Seeking Advice From a Super-Smart Person–Worldwide, Yet


Super-Smartie Award

(Actual response to actual Craigslist ad)

“Free Advice from Super Smart Person (Worldwide)”

Your ad says: “I am super smart, therefore I give super smart advice. Tell me your problem and I will solve it. Guaranteed or your money back.”

I ask:

1)  Why does a person both super and smart not know to hyphenate super-smart in that sentence?

2)  Why does a person both super and smart not know that the first comma should be a semi-colon, and there should be a comma after the word “therefore”?

3)  Here is my last question,  in which I ask for advice to solve my problem, and expect all my money back if  your advice does not solve it (and I have lost a lot of money in my life, so get ready to pay me a LOT):

My problem is that I despise most men (in general, most of you are egocentric pigs–notice how I knew your posting was a man’s) but I still want to date, am straight,  am very shy, don’t/can’t dance, play tennis, or golf, etc., or drink/go to clubs or bars–don’t have many friends, male or female, in the area to help me out,  plus it repulses me that only old men are interested in dating women my age–men my own age feel entitled to daughter-or-granddaughter-aged women (Freud, anyone?), plus, I am also super-smart, and most guys run screaming from this (although I do not boast about my smarts, unlike some Best-of-Craiglist wanna-be’s I could mention…)

So–what’s your miraculous advice?  Don’t forget–I’m looking forward to a major windfall if you don’t solve my problem!

Can't Wait!

P.S.  I’m starting to shrivel, but am still kinda cute…
 
(Sadly, my request went unanswered.)
 
ADDENDUM
 
Had to add a link to this hysterical post from The Byronic Man, which shows what someone with REAL writing talent can do with a response to a Craigslist ad.
 
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BooHoo Customer Care


What’s Scary Is, They Try Their Best

Slightly-edited actual letters exchanged with a certain helpdesk.

To          :   Boohoo! Customer Care
Sent       :  Thu, April 29, 2xxx 10:00 AM
Subject :   Spammification of Self-Sent Mail

 

To back up private documents, I send mail to myself with a Word attachment.  Later, look for it in my Inbox.  Not there.  Find it in my Spam folder.  Why?
 

To          :   Miss Anthrope
Sent       :  Thu, April 29, 2xxx 10:00 AM
Re          :   Spammification of Self-Sent Mail

 
Thank you for contacting Boohoo!®Customer Care.I understand that messages sent to yourself are sometimes placed in the Spam folder. I apologize for any inconvenience caused and am happy to assist you.

We know that SpamSlam®, Boohoo!’s filtering system, isn’t perfect, and sometimes an email that you want in your Inbox winds up in your Spam folder instead. When this happens, please open the email and click “Not Spam.”

By clicking the “Spam” and “Not Spam” buttons you train SpamSlam® to learn what’s spam and what’s not every time you mark an email.  The more you train SpamSlam®, the better it works for you.

I hope this answers your question. If you need any further assistance, please feel free to contact us again.

Thank you again for contacting Boohoo! Customer Care.

Regards,

Agamemnon
 

To          :   Boohoo!® Customer Care
Sent       :  Thu, April 29, 2xxx 10:00 AM
Subject :   Hated by Boohoo

 

Dear Agamemnon,
 

Yikes.  You have got to be kidding.  Do you honestly think that I don’t know enough to flag myself as not-spam?  Each time mail to me has wound up in the Spam folder, I have marked it for the Inbox.  Yet, later, Boohoo again sends subsequent mails to me to my Spam folder.

Please explain why this happens only with mails to ME–not with mails to any of my other Contacts.  Because, right now, the only conclusion I can draw is that you, Boohoo, the company, hate me.  Me in particular.

 

Sincerely frustrated,

 

Miss Anthrope, Singled Out As Hated by Boohoo!

 

To          :   Miss Anthrope
Sent       :  Thu, April 29, 2xxx 2:00 PM
Re          :   Hated

 

Thank you for writing to Boohoo!.

I understand that you would like an answer as to why email sent to you is being received to your Spam folder.  I’m sorry to hear that your email is being received to your Spam folder.  I’m happy to address this for you and I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.Unfortunately, I do not have the answers that you are looking for.  SpamSlam® is complex and maybe it is confused.  I’d like to reassure you that Boohoo! does not hate you or even dislike you as a user.
 
I’m sorry that I could not be of more assistance to you.  If you have any further concerns, please let me know and have a pleasant day.
 
Thank you again for contacting Boohoo! Customer Care.
 
Regards,
 
Timmy
 


To          :   Boohoo!® Customer Care
Sent       :  Thu, April 29, 2xxx 3:00PM
Subject :   WTF

 

Dear Timmy,
 

This answer is a non-answer and quite ridiculous.  Please bump this issue up the ladder to your technical staff.  The problem is interesting and should receive some attention.  And you should learn to recognize sarcasm.

 

Miss Anthrope

 

arggggh…


 
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