We love you, IKEA. We love you this much:
We love that you offer patterns and embroidery found nowhere else. We love your everyday blues-and-whites and your holiday reds-and-whites.
For those of us in sunny climes, where better to go to feel the Christmas shopping spirit than IKEA?
We most especially love the teeny weeny toddler thingy part of your store. Thanks to you, IKEA, who doesn’t have in their now-happier home a cheerful little carrot car driven by a sunny bunny?
Or one of Jack’s giant-beanstalk leaves shading us when we are lounging like contented snakeys in the sun?
Oh, IKEA we just love you so much. And we get so excited when a new catalog comes out! But…Seriously, IKEA? Seriously?
What the heck is this?:
When my sister and I saw this in your catalog, we quickly realized it had to be an experiment to see just how gullible we Americans have become. Because there is no effing way that anyone in their right mind, unduly influenced by illegal substances, could seriously believe that the object shown is anything other than what it is:
Two paper towels stapled together over a few popsicle sticks and some bent coat hangers. You and we know darn well you aren’t trying to sell this farcical moomin-lumpen back home in Sweden, where the volken [folks] would be openly laffen their rears offen.
To make it worse and rub our dumb American noses in it, your catalog here claims someone named “Jon Karlsson” actually designed this ludicrosity–that is, with wisdom aforethought–on purpose!
Fine. I hereby present to you my own contribution for your next catalog:
Clever Ideas Are Strewn About, Like Trash, Everywhere. Just Ask Our Latest Designer, Outlier Babe.
Designed by O. Babe in the high-stylin’ mode of Jon Karlsson et. al., our Purse Pocket© is the latest in portable convenience. Throw in makeup, a cellphone (as shown), whatever, and dash away to your busy day—then toss your new pocket-y friend in a different purse the next day, and you’re off!
Purse Pocket© is guaranteed soft as the softest tissue. Naturally ages rapidly to take on the hue of its surroundings. Particularly handy when just a sleeve won’t do. (Staple avoidance recommended).