Ask Ms. Outlier: How Should I NOT Write a Marketing Email?


I recently received a profoundly ill-thought email from a company wanting me to perform a service for them. After calm consideration, I decided to tell them exactly what I thought.

THEIR EMAIL TO ME

Hi,

First off, I came across your site and wanted to say thanks for providing a great resource to the lupus community.

I thought you might find this infographic, which displays the effects of lupus on the body,interesting and helpful for your readers:

Loopy Lupus Lady

Not Their Graphic, But the Single-Most Perfect Illustration of Lupus’s Effects I’ve Ever Seen

Naturally, Iโ€™d be delighted if you share this embeddable graphic on [here appeared a link to one of my lupus posts–the ninth] and/or with your followers on social. [sic] Either way, keep up the great work !

All the best,

Ms. Z., Assistant Marketing Manager
Money-Making Medicine, Inc.ยฎ

Gwen Doubts

Gwen Has Some Doubt About the Sincerity Level Here

MY EMAIL TO THEM

Dear Ms. Z:

SUMMARY

You want me to link to your for-profit site, but offer me not one penny-per-hit for doing so. No problem.

As long as YOU include on YOUR site a link to my first lupus post:
https://outlierbabe.wordpress.com/2015/04/30/autocidal-1-feels-a-pea/

Ducreaux Booyah

.

DETAILS

Suggestion 1: Reword Future Emails

Exactly on what basis do you, Ms. Z, feel it is appropriate for YOU to thank ME for providing a great resource to “the lupus community” (Do you speak on behalf of that community in some capacity?)? And for you to encourage me to “keep up the great work”?

Let me clarify for you, Ms. Z.:
I am in no way your subordinate. I am at least your equal.

But I, a patient with systemic lupus, will now more appropriately take this moment to thank YOU, Ms. Z., for providing a great resource to the lupus community, of which I am a member, by sharing that graphic.

Double Booyah Baby

You Only THINK This Image is a Non-Sequiter. I Wanted a “Double Booyah”, and This is What Google Returned. This Cutie Must Have Awesome Booyah Power To Overpower Google’s Web Crawler

Might I suggest, Ms. Z., you modify the wording of your solicitation letter in case it offends others you contact, besides me?

Suggestion 2: Read What I’ve Written

My website statistics reveal that you looked only at only the final one of nine lupus posts written: A post which would have been confusing had at least the one prior post not been read.

I suspect you did not read even that one post, Ms. Z.

.

You might try the series sometime. Although yet needing some revision, and with chapters to come, what is posted so far is still excellent.

Blowing Own Horn

I May Not Really Be This Confident, But I Was Gonna Sound Confident to THIS Woman, By Golly

–O. Babe

GLADENDUM

To Ms. Z.’s credit, she sent the following apology, which I felt treated me and my input with respect. As a result, I shall include a link to the graphic on the appropriate page of the series, in whichever century I finally go back and wrap up that series.

Hello O.Babe,

I want to sincerely apologize, it seems my email came off condescending. That certainly was not our intent, and I think your feedback makes a lot of sense upon reading back over our email. I will be sending your feedback along to our team to relook at how we reach out to the community.

My Work Here is Done Cat

.

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17 Comments

  1. This is a multiple choice question (meaning that you can select as many of the options as you choose, or include your own).

    Marketing is a reflection of the fact that:

    a. We are all stupid.
    b. Everyone is stupid but me.
    c. Marketing people are stupid.
    d. We are smart, I am smart, marketing people are mostly smart but to achieve management status in marketing, you have to be a complete moron.
    e. The stupidity of the people who don’t know how to hide from marketing people by barracking themselves in a 1960’s vintage bomb shelter.

    ** If you are interested in 1960’s vintage bomb shelters, I have glossy informational brochures I can send you. Please email me your name, address, phone number and address of employment. If you are not employed or independently wealthy, please disregard.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Let’s see: I wrote copy for marketing brochures, and designed the brochures. (shoot–I’ve gotta add “marketing copy writer” to the jobs list in my About page)

      And when I was in…4th? grade, I picked up my town’s build-it-yourself-in-your-own-backyard plans for bomb shelters and tried to get my male parent to protect us from commie death.

      So your choice e. is out. We-all will be locked down there WITH you. Woo-OOO-ooo!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Good for you, Babe. I am too old and weary to spend the time on these types anymore. DELETE! I recognize them immediately by their use of language as in the apology you received, above….. “feedback”, “our team,” “relook,” and especially “reach out.” I imagine it’s the oversight committee that relooks…..and feedback always reminds me of how a dog will eat its own vomit….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Cynthia, I believe that last f-word has been known to issue from my own lips, but after laughing aloud reading your comment and, unfortunately, visualizing, I vow to do my best to ban it forevermore.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. And that, was telling Ms. Z! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    I stifled a guffaw after reading this hilarious piece and if I didn’t know, I’d definitely say you were raised on the ‘Mean Streets of Bluntsville’ Babe…you meanie you! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ That was pretty brash but get your message across you did do and all’s again well with the world! #Phew ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

    Ms.Z took it well too….a great sport she was and hopefully; this will be the start of something great with her and her team! Who knows, a major endorsement deal might even be in the works! ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜„

    You go gurl; rock ye on! ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Hey, Yemi! Great to hear from you again! ๐Ÿ™‚ I AM a meanie. Since I fail to wreak revenge on my true enemies, at least I can get my jollies taking out my frustration on easier targets. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

      Honestly, though, I also hope Ms. Z. and her team get some constructive good out of this. I still haven’t visited their site, but the graphic is worthy. If their whole site is as worthy, they may be doing good in the world, and deserve whatever profit they are reaping.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Good for you, Babe. Don’t let them get away with it. Credit due to Ms Z, though, for actually replying even if it was in business-speak. Most would have ignored your response and then sent you an identical email in about 6 months.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. So what’s the hold up? Why arent you back to blogging regularly?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • I put my goods in storage, went tooling around the country, sleeping in my car, planning to blog as I went using my T-Mobile phone: They were advertising super-duper-everywhere-a-tivity, then–They LIED. I had no internet, no phone svc for 2/3 of the trip. (Great trip, tho’–got to see Jasper–WOW!) Then, picked a new place and moved. Bought another money-pit house. Sitting in it now. Joined a meetup grp, & taking courses at university and getting surgeries, and fixing house, and trying to turn posts into book. Cannot blog. Want to, but if I do, cannot live life, too. I read too slowly–not like you guys. Blogging was days and days of my week. You see how I comment–blather, blather. I see all your names every week in my email and feel sad–miss you all. But even to read all your posts would suck so much time for me. So I dip in, once in a while. I…I want to know how your wife is doing, Phil. It has sort of killed me not asking, but felt nervy to ask since I wasn’t reading your blog regularly and you might have answered there.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Thanks for asking. My wife is doing well right now. Next scan in April. How is your health? I hope you’re well. I miss seeing you around these parts!

        Like

        Reply
        • That is really good to hear, Phil. Every “now” is what counts. My health continues to be good. Stress of the move caused a minor Behcet’s flare, & kidneys continue to do their thang, but only piddly stuff (haha! kidneys, piddly! :D). Thank you for asking, and most esp. for the “miss”. I actually had all these grand plans to see if I could stop in to see some of you guys for reals on my trip, but both insecurity and then impossibility of communications made those plans go poof. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Eh. Woulda been hella hard to coordinate, enyhoo. I never knew where I was headed ’til the morning of. Which is part of the greatness of how I rolls…

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          • It sounds like you had a great trip. I would love to have that kind of freeform just wonder the country vacation.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            • You’ve travelled so much, Phil! I would love to have enough funds to sleep in soft beds, have A/C and heat–travel outside the U.S… But the lack of $ and family commitments HAVE gifted me with the freedom to wander whenever I have the (health &) scratch for gas, and admission to caves, parks, and historical sites. We can envy each other : )

              Like

          • And I’m glad to hear that you’re not doing too badly either.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            • I’m doing super, really. I chose where I am because the people here just seemed so extremely nice, and so far, this has held true. (I’m on the East coast now, in a brick house with a yard. : )

              Like

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