When YOU’RE the Jerkwad


In my last decade–the one in which I learned about who I am and what made me me–I, in my holier-than-thou manner, have concluded that most people in the U.S. never, or rarely, wonder about who they are, or how they act, or whether the things they do are right or wrong.

Selfish Lifeboat of Men Only

Like How the Lifeboat Cartoonist Never Thought to Include Women

They just assume everything they do is okay; e.g. When someone cuts them off in traffic, “What an a-hole!”, but when they do the same, that’s okay.

They don’t question how hard they try to do well at their jobs (or what “doing well” means),

or how they treat their employees or customers,

or how well they parent (or what type of parenting is needed in order for a child to become a thoughtful, happy, independent and socially-responsible adult),

any more than they question how they drive.

They just assume that how they do everything is pretty darn okay.

We writers are idealists who want to think our words can make a difference in this.

I suspect these people are so self-blind not because they’re inherently stupid or evil, but because they haven’t been parented to wholly grasp that other people’s feelings and motivations are exactly like their own,

and because “everyone’s doing it, and if I don’t, they will”,

and because commercial interests, implementing their policies via our corporate-run government and media, have heavily influenced such “me-first” attitudes.

Perhaps the Problem Lies in the Nightly Prayer Being Taught in Some Homes

There are some who self-monitor behavior only toward members of the groups they perceive as theirs: Their friends, immediate or extended family, co-workers, members of their religion, or their perceived race, ethnic group, or nationality.

These “Love My Gang” bangers either don’t worry about being polite to outsiders, or they feel free to abuse them verbally or in worse ways. So we find otherwise-polite people who are curt to or verbally abusive of maintenance-/wait-/hotel-staff,

Undertip for Special Cocktails

“Here you go: Eight specialty cocktails, painstakingly made with care and expertise over the past 285 seconds of my one life”
 
“Thanks!”

(What is problem?–Man thanked and tipped, yes?)

or people of one race or ethnic group who will not move over on the sidewalk for another, or even “inadvertently” crash shoulders with members of another…

…or just talk trash about all members of another group around the dinner table in front of their children.

So here I am, self-identifying as different than these selfish people (and so, I make myself a member of the superior group “Better Than They Are!”. Here I am, a smug self-monitor-er. [er.]

My self-examination has yielded a tremendous amount of insight into how events from my past have influenced my later behavior.

How proud am I that I wring my actions dry:
WHY did I do what I did when I did–
Was I right when I said what I said?

How proud am I that this self-improvement effort has resulted in a net yield of…

Nothing. After years of trying to modify my behavior based upon a ton’o’self-knowledge, I behave no better than my previous Popeye self:

Cartoon of a Yam

I Yam What I Yam.

Those who were supposedly poorly-parented, by my lights–You can pick them out by how they drive and park:

They park in handicapped spots,
or slantwise taking up two or three spaces,

Better-Than-Thou Parking

I Won’t Say I Saw This Person Park In This Cars-Always-Waiting Lot, or Had Any Chalk That Day

or they exit lots dead center in the drive, taking up both exit and entry lanes, making traffic wait for them.

Why leave room for others? THEY are the only driver who counts.

These are the same people who don’t give up their seats for elderly, pregnant, or physically-disabled people,

don’t do ANY volunteering (more often men, by the way–even if retired),

don’t tithe to charity even when they can afford to…the list goes on.

British Supposed Top Acts of Selfishness

For Supposed “Top” Selfish Acts, This British-Sounding List Is So Mild-Mannered, Don’t You Think?

But all of those awful, awful folks are not the ones who have been occasionally barking and snapping at strangers out of the blue for the past six months.

That has been ME.

All of those folks are not the person who jumped down the throat of an innocent commenter on one of my posts this past week.

Me again.

Or who tried, in the most childish, foolish way possible, to show off on not one site, but several, falling flat on her face each time, exposing her ignorance and proving only her own foolishness.

Me, me, me.

Dont Be an Unbearable Jerkwad Card

.

(Or wrote this self-indulgent post, looking for attention even for her failings. Me again.)

When I was a kid, in my oh-so-precious precociousness, and my not so precious oversized sense of smarts–both characteristics common with Asperger’s children–I freely, loudly, frequently overshared knowledge I thought I had gained from my extensive reading.

Whether or not those around me were interested.

And whether or not I was correct.

My sisters and brother called me The Professor. This was not a compliment.

I have had many decades to decide not to stoop to that level of childishness. To not pontificate upon some subject about which I know little or nothing. To not issue my personal edict or opinion as if it came from Mount Olympus, or Zion.

One would think I would so choose. If not because the behavior is ego-driven, then because it can cause me to look as foolish as I am. The happy news is, for fifty years, I did so choose.

But, for this past week, I have demonstrated, on my own blog and the blogs of others, that this old foolishness lay in wait, at the ready. It was pulled out and aired for all to see.

Not Autistic Just A-hole

I’d LIKE to Still Blame the Asperger’s

I don’t know how YOU feel when you’ve acted like an ass, but I feel like an ass.

That I’m such a self-examination expert by now, and I know WHY the behavior slippage occurred helped not a whit. I saw, partly, even as each fail happened, but was unable to stop each train car from crashing into the one before.

Feel Better Show Off Less

Stupid Subconscious. Talk About Your Jerkwads.

The good news is that, although, for me thus far, self-awareness has not effected positive behavior modification, there are some upsides to ENLIGHTENED jerk-waddery:

(1) I’d rather be unconsciously egocentric, but consciously unselfish, and an occasional jackass, than to go through life acting selfishly most of the time because I just can’t be bothered to put any effort into being nice to “little people”.

(2) If my now-renounced Catholic upbringing was correct, all this regret-filled suffering has given me a golden ticket through the pearly gates.

(3) Each time I finish cussing out other jerkwads, I have reason to remember that they may be nice people, too, on their insides, where I can’t see beneath their dumb stupid-head faces.

Perhaps, someday, when I learn not to be a jerkwad so often, I’ll remember this first, and not cuss them so quickly, even though they really, really deserve it. Believe me. (“Stupidheads!” [If only my word was this nice.])

Perhaps this transformation will occur once my gray hairs outnumber the red ones.
(I admit I’ll miss the red, but by then will think the trade-off worth it.)

 
 

BAD-ENDUM

HOOOOOLD up:

After thinking about the “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” incidents related in my LAST “Feel Sorry For Poor Me” post, and similar incidents not mentioned, I have just concluded quite late in life that,

due to that remarkable red hair, and my other outstanding features (not the least outstanding among these, my outlying ( πŸ˜‰ ) proboscis)–

–I must be so BREATHTAKINGLY good-looking (good GOSH almighty!!!)–

–that I can do no wrong:

My cuteness will overwhelm everyone around me. Offline, at least.

Jerkwad Puffin

Parking in L.A. Will Be SO Much Easier Now!

So: The conscience has been K.O.’d. The days of angst are over.

Let the Games Begin Raccoon

Selfishness, Here I Come.


.

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58 Comments

  1. Like most of us, it turns out you are human. Sometimes we just suck as humans and our only redemption lies in our efforts to suck just a little less. Nothing like have a bar set low. I’m a painfully conscientious person, self-aware, angsty, etc. and still have not mastered not being a complete asshole when it suits me.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Thank you for the empathy, Michelle.

      I thought I’d come to healthy acceptance of my flaws. It was the combined activation of so many, so frequently, over such a short period, that initially sent a ripple through the course. But it was particularly when I heard the creepy boastful breaths of The Professor, that ancient dark invader, come from my mouth, that my entire universe seemed in jeopardy. Happily, I believe the right course again holds the upper hand.

      And, hopefully, a really big light-sword.
      πŸ˜‰

      (not to be so flip: I’ve been in a six-month down, but there are signs it’s lifting. thank you again.)

      Like

      Reply
  2. Would it help if I told you I have memories of things I did/said even twenty years ago that can still keep me awake at night? Things that have sometimes made me feel so bad, I’ve considered tracking down the person to whom I did/said the terrible thing and apologising? And that the only thing stopping me from doing that is the tiny rational part of my brain that says “So hey, it turns out you’re not perfect and you made a mistake. Welcome to the human race. You’ve flagellated yourself sufficiently, now move on.”?

    Possibly not but there you have it.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • MoSY, you SHOULD do that, if it would make you feel better. I tried to do that, with one of mine (I couldn’t locate him). Even if now-you forgives then-you, reparations or their attempt can help settle the ghosts of then-you’s.

      No, it doesn’t help, ’cause now I want to go over there and pound some sense into your sleepy melon–and then force you to listen to me sing you The Starbaby Song every night in my trembly voice. I’ll learn you to fall asleep lickety-spit from self-defense, by golly.

      Yes, it does help, ’cause you care.

      I am now using the 4-7-8 fall-asleep method, and it works every time for me. (I awaken often, but at least can go back to sleep once ready.) Hope it helps you, too.

      Liked by 1 person

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      • I learned, through CBT, that too often my attempts at reparation exacerbate the original problem. Therefore, I will live with the occasional sleepless night.

        And, as I sit here at 3am as yet unable to fall asleep for some unknown reason in this case, I thank you for the link to the 4-7-8 method because I was just about to ask you about that.

        Liked by 1 person

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  3. I will come back to read this fully and thoughtfully later when I have time. I suspect we are of a like mind on this subject.

    Like

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    • Phil, you have no need for one of my lengthy whiney posts. Just wait for a lighter one. I’ll write another funny one eventually! Not everyone can crank ’em out the way SOME people do. But you know: We women just aren’t funny.
      😑 (See? No sense of humor.)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. One must learn to forgive oneself…

    ….

    ….

    …..over and over and over and over for the same stupid thing.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  5. We dislike in others what we hate most about ourselves. Not sure who said that, other than my mother…. One thing I love to complain about is people who complain all the time. See how that works?? Nobody is perfect, but it takes a special kind of person to see it clearly about themselves and own up to it. (I would do that if I were ever wrong….Hahaha) ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • A jerkwad, and “special”, too–is that what you’re saying, Grandmalin?
      πŸ˜₯
      Here I was, touched you stayed to comment.
      I’m still touched. (Hush, you meanie.)
      ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • You know I don’t ever mean to be mean. Special was maybe a poor word choice. My husband constantly does and says jerk wad things and is pretty much oblivious to the consequences. My daughter does this too, but the big difference is she KNOWS she has been an ass and feels remorse and apologizes. That is the you I have come to know and love. I like that you say exactly what you mean.

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        • You know I know you didn’t mean that mean…ing. I already like your daughter. (Your husband is probably a bit of okay, too, since he chose you, Grandmalin, and you him. πŸ™‚ ) My East LA students were conditioned to see apologies as weakness. I decided to use ’em anyhow. I really like that they really liked that about me: That a grownup would admit when she’d screwed up.

          Thank you for loving imperfect me. Heck, we should all if us be born with a sign that we screw up. Oh yeah: It’s our faces.
          o_O

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  6. Oh Babe, you’re such a ….babe?! 🍼😾
    Plus, at this point in time; you REALLY gotta cut yourself some slacks and then get the friggin’ heck over yourself already! 😩Gosh! πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‚

    This, sent me reeling…literally! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Is this post to do with that lil ‘debate’ we had the day after Christmas then?! 😞😟 Cause from whence am standing, it sure does look like it…or not! *tsking

    Just so we’re pretty clear Babe, cause it looks like you missed it somewhere; πŸ˜†I’ll have you know that every single one of us Earthlings are confirmed ‘Jerkwads’! While some ‘function’ on a mild scale, some others yet, effortlessly take theirs to a whole other level…..a seismic scale that’d literally shake the very Earth to its foundations; thus we could term ’em…’Grade A’ Jerkwads! Trust me when I say you….are ‘good peoples’; you’re alright! Take the load off will you?! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    We’re all flawed as mortals and there’s no perfect individual anywhere! We’d always find ourselves locked in some form of conflicts that may cause for us to lose our gourds and go off! But, eventually we calm down, gather our thoughts; take some lessons with us and move on! That’s the workings of life, its just what it is! πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜„

    Gurl, you DO cuss much more than a drunken pirate at sea! I see it now….crystal clearly! Bwa-ha-ha-ha πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Yemi, no need to get over myself any longer: This is the new me. The marvelous, Babe-u-lous me. That gorgeous creature in the mirror looking back (hang on–haven’t put on makeup yet, and like many redheads, have NO brows or lips without it…There! Beauty!)

      My GF’s and I used to comment about how spoiled Princess-types lived lives of happiness, good, worthy men fawning over them, employers thinking they were model employees while they poisoned the work waters for coworkers…

      I can’t WAIT to join their ranks, now that I OWN my magnificence!!!

      Now pardon me. I simply must find me an ancient sugar daddy quickly, quickly…Possibly a drunken sailor will do.

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  7. We all make mistakes; I suppose the goal is not to make them over and over, but one can only put up with so many SOBs before it leaves a mark.

    On the other hand, I make it a point not to let others take advantage of me or those around me over and over. Sometimes this results in me having to act in what might best be described as an “unprofessional” manner.

    But let’s be honest: There are some real jackasses in the world. Not just people having a bad day, but people who really do think the universe revolves around them. They not only don’t care about most others, they will walk all over most others for no other reason than it’s easier than walking around them.

    If someone is such as ass that I feel the need to show my displeasure, which I am loathe to do, being an introvert, they almost certainly have it coming. I’d like to think that if someone stands up to a bully once in awhile, maybe they’ll think twice before they try that crap again.

    At least, that ‘s what I tell myself on the rare occasion that it happens. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I’m glad you say something, as long as you are safe. Bullying studies on children show that the more who label the action wrong, the more it is tamped down. Partner abuse stats support this, too, which is why some places have mandatory 24-hour police lockup when abuse is reported. (The L.A.P.D. refused to lock up my spouse despite this, even though his fingers were marked as bruises onto my forearm.)

      Re: the other kind of mark, from past and present SOBs, that is a challenge. I do a daily, hourly, letting go, living in the moment (today’s “mindfulness”) to not act out of reaction from past and present circumstances. Mindfulness is not a panacea, and do know to forgive myself. This post was just a reflection after a longer bigger slippage than usual. I almost disallowed comments, since it seemed solely a request for “Aw, don’t worry, honey” replies. But this blog began as my diary and is still, and your comment brought out your important and interesting contributions.

      When I choose to speak up to someone–whether I think they’ve wronged me, or terribly treated someone helpless in my presence–I want it to BE choice, and my words to be considered ones.

      “Oh, wouldn’t that be loverly…”
      😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Well, I’m fortunate in that it’s easier for me to speak up, as I’m a guy, 6-foot-3 and 210 pounds. Which probably reduces the number of instances of someone trying to walk over me in the first place, also.

        As I tell my kids, if someone’s being a jerk, there’s almost always a reason. I’d like to think most people aren’t inherently nasty, but are having bad days, so it’s best to let things slide. Sometimes, though …

        Still, I’ve overstepped my bounds on occasion, and felt very remorseful afterward. And, yes, it’s sometimes hard not to dwell on past mistakes.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • Ha! Yes, all dudes, and larger ones in particular, definitely have a different perspective and set of experiences than do others.

          I want to clarify: I never, any longer, dwell on past mistakes, unless writing a post involving one. Earlier, I meant only it is subconscious influence from stressors that may set off my own triggers–there’s another buzzword πŸ™„: e.g. PTSD, hyperacuity syndrome, males perceived as threatening somehow. My natural personality is lively, a bit bubbly and somewhat impulsive, but I have to live an alternate me I honestly despise–an even-keeled calm-natured grownup person–in order to keep all splashes down.

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  8. Amy

     /  2016/01/07

    Without God being the beacon that provides guidance and encouragement, a person can much more easily drift into an easily discouraged, discontented, covetous, β€œlife is down on me,” self-centered existence. When that happens, spiritual progress grinds to a halt.

    I read the above in an unexpected source right after reading your blog post. I don’t know if it speaks to you or not, but it seemed to relate. Hope it does! Love to you… And I say through gritted teeth, to the jerkwads too. (sigh Love’s big, huh?)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • I agree, Amy, that life lived without a sense of positive purpose–which I believe is the life God intends for us–more easily leads to what you describe. Moreover, when that sense of purpose is a life lived for others, it turns out people living it are happier than others.

      But I want to make sure that everyone is not–I was about to say “tarred with the same brush”, but I’m guessing that has a racist origin–lumped into the same category wrongly, when you appear to imply that those who claim life is down on them do so out of skewed perceptions–perceptions skewed from their choices.

      That is an ugly blame-the-victim mentality. Sometimes, perceptions ARE reality. Some people truly do live unfortunate lives that are comprised of a long series of truly unfortunate events. Through no faults or choices of their own, or no choices they had the power or foresight to avoid. More of such people live in the lower portion of the economic spectrum–no coincidence.

      And because it is easier to lift oneself when helping another, here again this is easier for those of means, who have what are the luxuries of adequate health, surplus means, energy, and time. I believe God offers a resource of emotional support which can help everyone, no matter what their circumstances, but I do not believe He solves all problems in this life.

      Like

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  9. I liked the introspection…got a little lost on the ‘Bad Endum’ part. It seemed a bit of a non sequitur to all that preceded it. Perhaps reading the other posts clarifies it?

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Don’t feel you need to subject yourself. I’m on a gloomy streak. But thank you, and for the constructive addendum feedback! Maybe I can clarify that addendum in case a new reader stumbles in (by accident 😝).

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • Stupid phone!! No WAY I tapped Send that time! (I was touching “that addendum” to replace it with “it”. Eh. No big.)
      πŸ™ƒπŸ™‚

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  10. Amy

     /  2016/01/07

    I was of course (though I concede that it couldn’t be obvious since you don’t know me) referring to those who wrongly assert that life is down on them. Of course there are those who suffer from and in abhorrent life circumstances completely beyond their control. But even then I am encouraged by the belief (and real life stories) of people who have “risen above” and become people of excellence regardless of their circumstances.

    Perhaps you are taking something from me that I didn’t intend… the quote I offered (and I somehow missed the quotation marks) was to be a reinforcement of what you said. I am sorry about that. It was an effort to point us (me?) back to the only and always source of all things good and pure and lovely which in my mind is the only reliable way to affect/effect deliverance from selfishness and jerkwaddedness this side of heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • As is too often the case lately, I plucked out, focused, and reframed a positive as its opposite. Sorry!!

      I think you and I are in agreement on most of this. Perhaps a difference might be this: I think that an atheist jerkwad could be transformed by participating in good works without ever coming to a conscious awareness–or even with an outright refusal–that s/he is growing and glowing with God’s spirit. But you may agree even with that.

      I’m really glad you read and commented, Amy. It helps me in my own thinking about this, too. I am trying to get ready to move–I don’t know where. Both at my prior location and here, I had little sense of purpose–few volunteer or part-time paid opportunities that I could do where I could really help someone (without fiscal or health risks to me). I’ve done “stuff”, but not enough. I so hope the next locale offers a better chance of service. Which should reduce all this obnoxious self-focused whIIII-ningggg.
      πŸ™‰πŸ˜

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  11. Just because someone acts like an asshole doesn’t necessarily mean he is an asshole. I believe it’s important to call him on his behavior. However, this requires tact, which is especially hard to muster when you’re seriously aggrieved. Also, there’s the danger that he will not appreciate your well intentioned observation and act like an asshole again. I tend to put up with too much for too long then explode in verbal (not physical) retaliation. I feel terrible afterwards, that I was pushed to the point of behaving like a you-know-what. However, when I finally do take a stand, people shape up. It would be easier on me if more people spoke up for themselves, which by extension is a way to speak up for all who have been trod upon.

    I’ve been accused too often of acting like a professor or sermonizing, but my motive is usually that I’m excited about what I’ve learned and want to share.

    Apologies may or may not help, but what about contacting people who have been good to you in the past, to thank them? Lately, I’ve been thinking of the people who have helped or supported me in the past, whom I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. It seems they are more deserving of the recognition than those we feel a need to forgive.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I agree with EVERYTHING you said here.

      I have contacted some of the benefactors in my past. Sometimes, they didn’t care–a treasured teacher comes to mind. Sometimes, I waited too long: One person had slipped into senility, another two I couldn’t track down. The coupla’ others, it was rewarding. I think for both sides.

      There is one, though, you’ve made me think of again. Another once-teacher. I’ll poke around for her. Thanks, Libby!

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      • I just found your reply. Good for you. You’ve made more headway than I have, but that inspires me. I’d like to find and thank the woman who let me sleep on her studio apartment floor for a month in Manhattan, in 1975, when I was broke and looking for a job. She lent me some things that I used until they wore out. If you see this, Molly, please let me know how to thank you in real time.

        Liked by 1 person

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        • YOUR reply just gave me a head-slap moment: One of those I’d waited too long to contact did for me, sort of, what Molly did for you. This past year, I’ve gotten in touch with A., who knows B.–who, I’d totally forgotten until now, knows C.! (W., actually.) So I should be able now to track him down.
          πŸ™‚

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  12. I will win no prize for best comment today! πŸ˜‰ I like ya!

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    • “Liz, you ignorant —.”
      Shows what YOU know.
      Going out now to get in my daily quota of kicking ducks.

      (Saturdays are challenging: Those d#mned Audubon people make it an less-fun double-game of ducking kicks.)

      Liked by 1 person

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      • I is I is! I certainly ain’t heard of Audubon but……
        Kicking ducks-a heinous crime is summat I know! Who are these Audubon people-ha just looked them up!! I shall cheer for the Audubon people and challenge not only your Saturdays of kicking ducks but any day you choose to exercise your feet in this manner I tell you! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

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        • Fate has gotten its revenge. For even joshing about such a thing, the woman whose only significant exercise is walking (three miles a day, more on a good day) is now sitting around idle with what is likely arthritis in a stupid bone spur on her heel. grrrrrr. Makes me want to go out and kick a du–Shoot.

          Liked by 1 person

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          • Ohh poop! Bone spurs are unpleasant at the very least but I guess it does make you think that perhaps there’s such a thing as duckkarma! I read an article about it once and from that day to this have harboured a healthy respect for our feathered and web footed friends! Think on!
            (Sorry about horrid pain for you though)

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            • Thank you very much for the sympathy, but the pain is far from horrid compared to others. (*** TMI Alert! *** ) (1) severe nerve pain. I would have cut off my arm, but I couldn’t stop screaming long enough to think of it. Oh, yeah: And gout. Before I diet-controlled it. (2) labor. I would have shot myself. (3) hip arthritis. If pain like that continued over months instead of weeks, I’d eagerly take highly-addictive pain killers as often as someone would provide them. (4) really severe migraine, dental, or kidney pain. Hm. Move these all ahead of #3. But not far ahead.

              (5) everything else: broken ribs, pleurisy, pericarditis, pneumonia, neck arthritis, heel spur…whatever. They all hurt, but not as much as 1-4.

              So the foot pain is not that bad. It’s more that I need and want to walk each day. I’m ticked, but the foot I normally stamp with is, of course the right wrong one. Stupid foot.

              😦 😑 😑

              Like

  13. I’m really loving your blog. I only meant to read one post, but I’ve now spent the better part of an hour reading through your blog. For some reason the like button isn’t loading, but I’m mentally ‘liking’ each post! I find it so refreshing, and enlightening that you share your first-hand perspective on Asperger’s. Years ago, I was a nanny to an aspie girl, and I always wonder how she’s doing now. I hope I can track her down!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Golly, Kim–
      πŸ˜€
      I’m loving that “loving”! Thank you, and I’m so pleased you’ve joined us over here, although, I warn you: You’re coming on board in my Dark Period.
      πŸ‘Ώ
      I’m pretty gloomy and ticked off lately, and since the blog is my diary, it’s bound to reflect that.

      You’re right about that Like button! WordPress recently did something that has mucked with the load times—it takes forever.
      πŸ™„

      Good luck tracking down your former charge–bet she would be pleased to hear from you, and it would be a kick for you to see her likely moved up on the spectrum, as we tend to do with age. I’m barely Aspie-ish now except in degree of irritation with sounds, textures, colors, need to withdraw to regroup after too much social interaction–little things like that.

      Oh: And p#ssing people off sometimes without having any clue what I said or did that caused it. Guess I am still pretty Aspie, at that.
      😎 o_O

      –O. Babe

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      Reply
      • I’m ok with gloomy and ticked off. Venting is cathartic, and unifying at the same time. The key is adding a dash of self-deprecating humor, which you seem to be more than capable of. Otherwise, it’s just a bitch session.
        No, I don’t have Asperger’s, but I am very sensitive to many of the things you cited. Certain sounds make me feel like the walls are closing in, and as hard as I try, I can’t not focus on the disturbance. The harder I try, the more the sound is magnified in my mind. I also need a respite after too much social interaction. Books are friends! I’m ok with most colors, even the dreaded orange. What has the capability of unending me, is fragrance. There are certain scents that literally make me angry, and offended when they ‘assault’ my olfactory. I’ve caught myself giving dirty looks to strangers who were in my vicinity, just because they were wearing a displeasing scent.
        Who’s the jerkwad now?

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        • THEY are. I get migraines from scent, but even if I didn’t, the overuse of perfume and cologne is not just low-class, it is rude. If someone is wearing so much scent that after they get off an elevator and I ride in it, I reek of their scent later– If someone is wearing so much that after they sit on my furniture, or in a cab I ride in next, it reeks of it– If they have so much on that when they greet me with a hug, I reek of it– these are all RUDE. Your scent should not be on the outside of your clothes so that it transfers to others. It should not be so strong that I can smell it three or four feet from you. Scent is meant to be personal–intimate. You should only detect it when you are leaning in very close to someone.

          The world is now filled with jerkwads who think it is the responsibility of others to avoid THEIR scent, THEIR music, THEIR dog and cat sh#t, etc. We fewer number who know otherwise are considered jerkwads because the inmates now run the asylum.

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          • Agree 100%. Forcing your scent on someone is like forcing your opinion. We get it: Not only do you have a loud mouth, but you have a loud aroma. Your cologne/perfume has taken the room hostage. Congrats on being a fragrance bully!

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        • For all my spewing, I only replied to part of your comment. I’m about to post an entirely venting-only no-humor-at-all post tonight, so…told you that you joined at the wrong time! This one’s gotta be done, though.

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  14. Reblogged this on Life of a Phoenix and commented:

    Outlier Babe reminds me of… well, ME. That is a disturbingly comforting thought. Well done!
    BTW, you forgot to mention the people in airports, at the top of escalators and in shopping malls who gather in groups and stop RIGHT in the middle of the hallway, at the top of the escalator, etc. Raised by wolves!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Thank you. πŸ™‚

      Yes!

      Or the best buds who walk chummily two-, three-, or even four-abreast, arm-in-arm, taking the entire width of the sidewalk, moving not a hair to one side as they approach you.
      πŸ‘Ώ
      No, they don’t expect you to leap into the street out of their way. You are far too beneath their notice for that.

      In these situations, or the ones you describe, if I’m calm I evoke my inner Moses, thrust my arms in front of me and then spread them as in a breaststroke, asking:

      “Guys–Do you think you could manage to part the seas here, and (leave room for other people to: share the sidewalk–get off the escalator–etc.)”

      But other days, when I’m in my passive-aggressive place, I evoke my inner Ben Hur-ler, accelerate my pace, and throw my Ramming Speedwalking self through the mass. When we inevitably bump, I snarl out:

      Oh!–Pardon YOU! I guess you didn’t see me to leave any space for me or anyone else to walk by!”

      This illustrates how I make so many friends everywhere I go.

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      Reply
  15. By the way, Outlier Babe, funny you should mention a shiv…
    http://wp.me/p4mXV3-34

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  16. One comment upon another says it all, Babe. We’re all guilty from time to time. I go through phases of swapping which foot is in my mouth. Not everyone reflects and apologises for asshattery. (that looks likes shat – that works too). I shat, you shat, we’ve all shat. Picking it up is the point. You’re good.x

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  17. You “feel like an ass,” self-defecating humor not with standing? I thought such humor was supposed to relieve you of that feeling – at least, that’s why I use it (plus, it’s a great re-laxative). I’d better end now before I start feeling like an ass anyway. Too late? I’m willing to wipe the slate clean if you are. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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