A Woman’s Truth At Every Age


I learned the truth at 17, and all the ages in between.
If men all saw what women see, then there would be equality.

Age 11—I must endure boys at school feeling privileged to touch my body without asking. They run up behind me between every class to rub their hands down my back.

“CARPENTER’S DREAM!” they shout: Flat as a board, easy to screw.

Run away, laughing. The back-rubbing is to see if they can yet feel a bra-strap–which they cannot.

This sexist shaming by boys of pre-teen girls helps drive demand for an unnecessary new product called “junior bras”:

Cup-less flat elastic bands that fasten in the back like a bra, junior bras simultaneously represent the sexualization of female children, and their subordination.

Age 11.  This Still-Little Girl Had to Be Shamed About Not Having Breasts!?

Innocent Age 11. This LITTLE GIRL Was Shamed For Not Having Breasts!?

Age 13—My father’s friend Mr. B.—the same man who kindly carried me home once when I was hurt—is at a party thrown by my parents. He comes into my bedroom. Says “Bite the other end.”.

Leans in, inches from my face, a tiny cocktail weiner now poking out between his teeth. I back away in horror.

This is the first time any male has tried to kiss me.

Age 14—6:00pm. Summer. My friend Vicky and I are sitting on the grass in my front yard, chatting. A car slowly drives by, pulls up to the curb. A boy yells out: “Hey, you want to go to a party?” We assume it’s someone we know—the sun is in our eyes—but we decline.

Two boys, about 16, get out, run over, leap on top of us, and start tearing away at our clothes. On my front lawn, within sight of anyone who might go by. Or come out of my house. It is still light out.

Vicky and I each try, silently, to fight off our separate attackers. I now learn boys are far stronger than girls.

Across the street, Mr. G. comes out on his front porch. He is a New York City detective. He turns to go back inside.

Don’t you SEE us, Mr. G.? What’s WRONG with you?!

[*To be clear, he DIDN’T see us.]

(Why didn’t I scream? Was I breathing? I remember the boy’s fingers over my open mouth part of the time. Was everything happening so fast I was in shock? It was very fast.)

The boy atop me gets frustrated at how effectively I am resisting, so he stands up and JERKS down on my ankles, throwing my arms up over my head. That lets him leap at me long enough to tear open the buttons on my summer blouse. I am so embarrassed.

This is the first time any male has seen my breasts.

And now I am getting very scared, and I am trying to hurt the boy. So is Vicky. The boy raping her decides maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He calls to the boy raping me, and they run back to their car, which has other boys in it. I guess they were the audience. The car drives off. Vicky and I run inside my house, fixing our clothes. We don’t tell anyone what happened.

It is interesting that the boys were eager until we grew more violently fearful. Based on my own experience working with rape survivors, terrified resistance will not normally save you.

Had these boys thought their manliness would overwhelm our femininity and we would just spread our legs and welcome them while they raped us? Could they have believed the myth that we would LIKE it?

Babe at Age !2

Happy Age 12: One Year From a Pedophile, Two From Rapists.

Age 15—I am standing at the end of a school hallway and overhear two boys, approaching, discussing me. They don’t know I can hear them. One says:

“Hey! That’s B. Outlier! She puts out!” The other boy says “Eww!! I wouldn’t do it with HER!!”

I have never even kissed a boy at a party.

Age 16–I am given my first-ever compliment from any man or boy:

“Your *ss is your best feature. You should back up to people to be introduced.”

Age 16, still—A knock at the front door. It is the boyfriend of my older sister Macy. When I open the door, he begins to yell at me furiously.

I don’t understand. What have I done to him? He is not my boyfriend. I have nothing to do with him!

He is from Italy. He is an oldest son dating an oldest daughter. That makes him responsible for the behavior of all of her siblings. And he has heard about me:

I am sleeping around. A slut. Everyone knows it. It is such common knowledge, so talked about, that word has spread from our highschool over to this man’s nearby place of work.

Even though I have still never even kissed anyone.

Exactly why does my sister’s boyfriend—or any man other than my lover or gynecologist–think it is his right to have anything to do with my vagina? Why does my entire school—and town, apparently—want to criticize what my vagina has been up to?

Whose penises are they criticizing?

Age 17–I go to Spain with the Spanish Club. Our teacher tells us ahead of time that we girls must wear only skirts. Pants will make us appear “loose” to Spaniards.

In Madrid, in the subway and in the public market, the crowds are so thick that you are pressed on all sides, unable at times to move. I cannot escape the horror when male strangers behind me choose to reach up under my skirts, push aside my underwear, and insert their filthy fingers inside my vagina.

This is the first time any male has touched me between the legs.

Age 17, still—I now have a boyfriend. After some time, I decide to have sex. But I pretend to get carried away in the heat of passion, because good girls don’t want to have sex before marriage.

Age 17, still–I summer job-seek, as do my friends. The guys are offered high-paying factory jobs, or jobs with the county. They tell of days spent goofing off. We gals hear “Guys need the work more.” or “The work’s too hard for women.” We can get only low-paid work: Chambermaids, telephone solicitors. No goofing.

Age 17, still–I tell my boyfriend I am breaking up with him. He rapes me, to try to win me back. (It doesn’t work.)

Age 17--Quite the Year.

Experienced Age 17–Quite the Year.

Babe at 17-HS Graduation YB

Age 17–Yearbook Photo. ZERO Makeup.

Age 18—My sister Macy is marrying. I am the Maid of Honor. I meet the Best Man for the first time at the rehearsal. Quietly, so that no one can hear, using many different adjectives, he tells me throughout the rehearsal how extremely ugly and offensive I am.

I am stunned, and devastated. I have always known I was extremely ugly [abusive childhood], but a freedom to despise me for it is heartbreaking. I go home that night and weep. I can tell no one. The man is a beloved friend of the entire wedding party.

He continues his secretive abusive behavior at the rehearsal dinner, and the day of the wedding.

Age 19—I have purchased my first long dress: A spaghetti-strap gown at a thrift store. It’s bronze satin, fitted at the top, sweetheart neckline, flowing skirt, with a pattern of cherry blossoms.

I model it for my friend Maria, walking across the dorm lounge to her room. On the way, a male I barely know volunteers his opinion:

“You should never wear dresses that expose your shoulders. They’re far too bony.”

I never forget his remark, and never bare my shoulders again.

Age 20—Two good-looking, intelligent men want to date me. After I choose one, the other begins to publicly insult my looks and abilities.

If a woman openly and repeatedly yelled insults about a man across lounges and volleyball courts, men and women would think her odd: Overly angry, perhaps mentally ill. I think they would start to avoid her if she persisted.

This man’s friendships with both genders continue uninterrupted. As far as I know (my friend is his friend), no one remarks on his inappropriate behavior.

Age 21—I am hit on by my 50-odd-year-old boss. (Find a young woman who hasn’t been sexually harassed at work.)

Age 22—I am hit on by my 40-odd-year-old boss. I am sickened that he had also hit on my predecessor—a 16 year-old.

Age 22—I swore I would never be a secretary. I am an Executive Secretary, serving as sole business and personal secretary for a Vice-President, and to his 45-person staff, doing all filing, supplies ordering, business typing, and maintaining of frequent updates to company and technical manuals.

A few of the males I serve never bother to learn my first or last name. One day, one of that group is standing nearby when he overhears that I have a degree in Linguistics and Literature. He says “I didn’t know you had a degree!”, and immediately tries flirting.

I tell him that I don’t respect the attitude that people who have attended college are more worthy than those who haven’t. He never quits flirting. His little brain must not have earned its degree.

Age 24–As I run or bicycle next to public roads, young men in cars yell whatever they feel like at me. Sometimes, a car swerves at me so closely it scares me half to death. Sometimes, a cup of soda with ice hits my back. More than once, while biking, I am slammed with a hand, hard, on the rear, bringing me close to crashing.

Age 25—I think I have been hired by an exciting, dynamic firm based on my stellar accomplishments in computing. I attend my first company party, where I and another female are literally cornered by the 50-plus-year-old company president and a visiting Board member.

I learn I was hired because it was assumed I will be the company Party Girl: Give a laugh and spread my legs eagerly for any male employee who wishes it.

Age 30—I am promoted to Director. A pr*ck working beneath me—M., a transfer from the user side of the house—begins spreading poisonous lies over on the user side of the house about, not only me, but our entire operation. My boss calls me in:

“What do you think we should do?”
“Well, J., here’s the problem,” I say.

“M. has been trying to get into my pants for a year, and I’m not interested. He is seriously p*ssed, and even MORE so since I started dating someone else. Now, you’ve promoted the woman who rejected him to be his boss. He will destroy this entire operation rather than report to me.”

“But you’re absolutely the best person to run the show–and we need you to get this project done!”

“I agree. But it can’t work this way, and we both know the politics: M. has to stay involved, given his connections to the upper echelons. The only way this can work is if I report to M. Then his f*cking oversized ego can stay satisfied.”

I resign as Director, accepting an invented title to keep my salary. M. is named Director and boss of me, and becomes sweetness and light.

The sh*t.

Age 35–Looking to change companies. My I.T. skills and experience should net me six figures. Nothing. A headhunter explains:

“Erase some work history, get some plastic surgery. Pass for 25.”

Really Angry Baby Face

Is THIS Young Enough?!


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Age 50–The first time any woman tells me I look nice or am pretty.
Age 57–The first time any man tells me I look nice or am pretty.
 
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Babes Ratty Face Close

Age 58–Do You Like Me NOW?


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I’ll be 60 soon, but the picture was too good to waste.
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37 Comments

  1. YOU are the amazing one, Babe. To have come through all that to be the strong, courageous and independent woman you are. It would have broken irreparably many others.

    Thank you for your honesty and for stating it how it is. It should be heard.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Um…Thank you for your kindness, MoSY, but I really cannot accept the plaudits. Truly cannot. Except perhaps for strength. I am NOT courageous, nor independent. I am a weasly mush, easily swayed by the last person I speak with, too influenced by any male voice, still. But I DO still pick my self up every day and keep trying, which is what we all can do.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. I am saddened by the retelling. I’d like to hope for a few happy moments in between all of the sexist and assaultive bullshit. I’m astonished no one came to your defense when you were nearly raped on your own front lawn. Truly, I am so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Thank you, Kiri. The happy truth is that the bulk of the damage was subconscious. Vicky and I actually GIGGLED (from nervousness and fear) as we came inside and hurried to hide our redressing. It is fascinating that she and I never sat down to discuss what happened–that night, or any day afterward.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Probably a reaction to shock and denial. You were both very young and our culture, sadly, still victimizes women by indicting the way they dress or act and that they were ‘asking for it’ excusing men of all responsibility.

        Liked by 1 person

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        • Yes. I suspect, had we been at all in touch with our thinking, we would not have been thinking about our roles so much as that the boys’ behavior was normal for “red-blooded guys”. Which makes me feel sick now. I’m glad that kind of thinking has mostly bitten the dust–among girls and women, anyway, and MOST men.

          Liked by 1 person

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  3. Judging by the photos I would say you were not ugly, but lovely at 17. Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that we get through childhood and young adulthood with any semblance of sanity; there’s so much physical and mental abuse that goes on. Those with power over others, be it physical or socially sanctioned, can sometimes be really sick in the head. I came away from it all with the sense that the real culprits in the demeaning of women were not men, but other women…but that was my experience. You’re a survivor, Babe; you lived through it and still came to be the bright, funny, lovable and quirky curmudgeon you are today!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Thank you, Cynthia. O (that’s a hug)

      I debated mixing the bits about looks with the bits about the rest, but they are part of a whole gender abuse issue, and woman of all sorts of looks get their own levels and types of abuse.

      I do believe, now, I was considered by others to be very good looking at some times of my life, and that this triggered anger and resentment from females and males–the latter when they couldn’t have me, or they pre-decided I was unreachable–“thinks she’s all that”. I think the perception that I was good-looking led to no compliments–“She must know it already”.

      A man recently told me that because I have (had?) high cheekbones, many assume I am stuck up. Fascinating, if true.

      I’m with Linus: I love humanity. It’s people I can’t stand.

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. “(Find a young woman who hasn’t been sexually harassed at work.)” Indeed. Or treated as every paragraph denotes. Then wonder why it’s hard to trust men.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • That’s what I was aiming for. Although these are my truths, they are almost everyone’s, because almost all of us have our lists, and every list f*cking SUCKS.

      (I soar to poetic heights when ranting.)

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. WOW! I could probably do one of those postings as a male – maybe your posting has empowered me to do that… WOW again…

    Liked by 1 person

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    • You SHOULD do a male one.
      I could have added lots more to this one, of course. 😦

      Here is the real WOW female version–terrific:
      If I Had a Dollar (Why I Am a Feminist) | girl in the hat https://thegirlinthehat.wordpress.com/2015/01/16/if-i-had-a-dollar-why-i-am-a-feminist/

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Thanks for the link – it’s mind-blowing. Re my earlier comment – almost “in dust and ashes I repent”. I sort-of recently went to a 50th jubilee celebration of the class that started high school in 1963. I was excited. No one there remembered me. No one knew who I was!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • So glad you visited there. I sobbed my way through her post.

          Oh! You mean…the male post would not be from the perspective of the aggrieved…? You are confessing here? Now you MUST do that post!

          Liked by 1 person

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          • Yes – it would be from the perspective of the aggrieved – but it would be ridiculed – made fun of by women – so I would never do it.

            Liked by 1 person

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            • Because we think you have jack-sht to complain about, compared to what we-all have lived with, and continue to live with, every fcking minute? Is that what you think?

              Still think you should write it. ‘Cause, you can see here how open-minded and receptive SOME of us can be.

              Liked by 1 person

            • I shall never NEVER write it. I shouldn’t have said I might. Period. No I don’t think feminists and whatever have jack-shit to write about, but if you carry on like that, you might convert the world to that point of view. I don’t want to continue this ridiculous conversation. Thank you.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Did you actually have the effrontery to throw the word “PERIOD” at ME? a WOMAN?!! You are so right, sir: This conversation is over!

              😀

              Nighty-night, Bruce.

              Like

  6. well you certainly brought back some old wounds, but wounds that are best remembered given that sexism is still rampant and sexists continue to harass and belittle women. While many of us are blessed with having found liberated men, still they cannot really “get” what we have been through. Thank you for this…posting on FB.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. L

     /  2015/12/31

    I’m sorry you had to live through such horror and unfairness. May life only get more equitable with time!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Thank you. If my genetics hold–healthy longevity–more than my epigenetics–autocidal disease predisposing me to stroke and aneurysm–I should have another 40 years to try to turn things around.
      😍🤑😇👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
      Or not.
      😢🤒😵⚡️🔥😈

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    • (I’m answering on this post because WP and I between us deleted your question from the About page 😮 !)

      You are so kind to ask how I am.
      <3.
      I’m really fine. Had not planned to be away this long, but life is happening, and I cannot multi-task and do my autoimmune thing. Also, I’ve had no internet except via phone since April, and even that was missing much of the time (perhaps I shall blog about that…someday? Short version: T-Mobile LIED (“in my opinion”). But, truth, I haven’t even been writing OFFline. Just too much else to do, or think through, or sleep on.

      I do miss my WP friends! WAH!!!
      😥

      Be well, L.
      🙂

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  8. As a man, I can readily believe that every incident described in your post actually happened, and that some man (probably many men) would be cruel enough to say and do the hurtful things described. I acknowledge feeling shocked that ALL those incidents could have happened to ONE woman. I hope your experience of so many hurtful events is the exception and not the norm, but possibly I am naive.

    You are such an excellent and talented writer, that I’m wondering if I, as a male reader, failed to pick up on some words that were intended as humor or sarcasm or exaggeration in some of your sentences. Was any part of this fictionalized, as memoirs sometimes are?

    For example: I find it difficult to believe that a police officer would ignore two actual rapes of young women in progress, in daylight, on a front lawn! In what kind of a neighborhood could such a thing happen? A police officer and a neighbor? It seems improbable that any person who is both a police officer and a neighbor would do such a thing? Can I be that naive? Possibly he did not see what was happening from across the street? But that doesn’t sound right to me in the way you told the story.

    Also, I am shocked to hear that two 14-year-old girls would “giggle” after two attempted rapes! And never talk about it. Essentially shrug it off and go on about the rest of the day with no more than a giggle?

    Often I’m tempted to think that reports of sexual abuse and assault I hear or read about are fabrications, like the “Rolling Stone” article alleging rape at a college fraternity house, or hyperbole. I’m asking these questions because I would like to understand (to the extent that a man can understand) the reality of bad experiences that appear to be common to many women.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • (Brace yourself: Longest reply ever.)

      Your compliment brought me such happiness my eyes teared up. There are so many outstanding writers on WordPress–many among my followers!–that when you say my writing is particularly noteworthy, I am so touched. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

      Your feedback on this piece is eye-opening!

      IS IT ALL TRUE?

      Yes. I left plenty out, but hit a lot of the big stuff.

      CAN EVERY WOMAN REALLY MAKE HER OWN TRUE LIST?

      I believe ALMOST every woman can. I mentioned to a pal who’s never felt oppressed that I have met a couple of women in my life like that, and they were, with one exception, military brats, as was she. The other was reared, with her many brothers, on heavy sports involvement. I have drawn some conclusions, as might you.

      I believe most men really have NO idea how oppressive growing up female is–how close it is to a type of slavery, or at least, a far lower caste. I believe most WOMEN still don’t yet realize how oppressed they are.

      I’m including a link at the bottom to lists by two other women.

      WHY NO HELP FROM MR. G. ?

      Oh my gosh!!
      😮
      Thank you!! I see I must revise the piece to clarify. Mr. G. never looked over or saw us. Mr. G.’s house was at the top of a T intersection of residential streets. My corner lot’s front yard was kitty-corner to Mr. G.’s. His lot, 1/2 acre, mine 1/3. So we had the distance of his front yard, the intersection. and half my front yard between. The rape attempt happened silently: Neither Vicky nor I ever tried to scream. There was no reason for Mr. G. to look over.

      WHY NO SCREAMING?

      Remember, this was a very rapid event. I believe I assumed, at first, I’d just stop this boy from what he was trying. Vicky probably thought the same.
      We were very busy engaged in a real BATTLE, using all four limbs, and, at some later points, attempted teeth, against far stronger opponents. Even when mouths were uncovered, our focus was on resistance and blocking and the effort.

      I may not ever have thought to yell until it was too late. Instead, I switched over from pushing and then punching to scratching and gouging and then biting.

      WHY THE GIGGLING?

      The giggling and not even talking? We said something like “They were crazy!” trying to shrug it off: To minimize it. If I were counseling a 14-yr. old rape attempt survivor today who reacted like it was no big deal–well, kids today are different, so let’s say a 12- yr. old–I would recognize trauma, and the denial a coping mechanism to shut it down.

      MORE LISTS

      (1) Being a Girl

      (2) If I Had a Dollar

      You’ll see that some women commented on the above list by Anna Fonté by writing their own lists in her comment section.

      (3) How Hot Cereal Made Me a Feminist

      A small, “light” list I wrote after reading Anna’s list.

      IS RAPE FALSELY REPORTED OFTEN?

      I will anger many by saying “possibly”. It depends on how you define “often”, and how you gather data and draw conclusions from them.

      It is very difficult to determine the truth behind a he said/she said event (usually) unobserved by others. Estimates of false reporting vary, but no estimates place false reports above 10%–except, possibly, for on-campus claims, where the false claim rate may be higher.

      If only 5%, that is an awful lot of men getting falsely accused. Sounds unfair and traumatizing.

      On the other hand, the 90% or more of rape survivors who DIDN’T make up anything are often treated as if they lied, or as if they wanted the sex. Or BOTH, even though that both at once are impossible.

      That is unfair and traumatizing to a greater number.

      WWJD? ( What Would Jeremy Bentham Do?

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    • I want to clarify that I believe that, IF the false rape claim rate is significantly higher on campuses, this may be due to confusion about level of consent and withdrawn consent (exacerbated by heavy alcohol use). The fantastic new “Yes means Yes” approach should help reduce this source of false claims. May it become the standard everywhere!

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      Reply
      • Thank you for your long reply. Regarding confusion: I think confusion may be the key regarding this entire issue. Regarding rape and sexual assault, there are many degrees of sexual assault. Define rape. I think “rape” and “sexual assault” are now used as catch-all terms for a wide range of behaviors. Like the story of the boy crying “wolf” repeatedly, the frequent use of the word “rape” can take meaning away from the word.

        In particular, I think the behaviors of teenagers of both genders are often misinterpreted. Regarding a boy in eighth-grade saying something hurtful, or touching a girl’s back to see if she’s wearing a bra: The behaviors and interpretations of both males and females at such a young age — and probably through high school and well into college, to a lesser degree — are affected by raging hormones, new and frightening feelings within their bodies and minds about which they have not developed any understanding. Boys and young men are frequently more overwhelmed by sexual feelings than you might imagine. They may have received or learned no accurate information about sexuality to help them govern their behaviors and their vocabularies. Sometimes boys do or say things in an attempt to communicate that they like a girl, but the things they do or say are inappropriate and hurtful. We cannot pretend that either males or females, especially at young ages, are in control of all their sexual feelings.

        I know that the confusion of boys and young men as described above doesn’t make things any less hurtful or frightening to girls and young women.

        Liked by 1 person

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        • DEFINITION OF RAPE

          Per the FBI:
          “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without
          the consent of the victim.”

          I would modify this to
          “without the conscious, informed, CONTINUED consent of the victim”.

          Conscious, because if consent is given and then the woman passes out before the act begins, the man should stop. Just stop.
          Informed, because the person must have the mental faculties to understand consent.
          Continued, because if a woman experiences pain, or a man begins to verbally abuse her, etc., she should of course not feel she must continue. If he forces her to, that constitutes rape. Society and the law should recognize this.

          NO EXCUSES FOR UNWANTED TOUCHING OF GIRLS BY BOYS

          Regarding your excusing the behavior of young boys, or girls, when they touch the bodies of others without their permission:

          1) It is a fact that humans lack fully-developed impulse-control until their frontal lobe area is finished maturing–approx. age 22.

          2) It is a fact that hormones affect animal behavior, that testosterone surges coincide with increased impulsiveness in mammals, and that boys can have wild fluctuations during puberty.

          Nevertheless:

          People, male or female, young or old, should NEVER touch others without their permission. (It is legal “battery”.)

          We should not pretend that even impulsive, frontally-lobe-and-hormonally-impaired boys do not know full well they are doing wrong when they CHOOSE to touch a girl’s body–sexually, or “just” on the arm–without her permission.

          If a boy touches a boy without knowing in advance that touch is welcome, he knows it’s inviting trouble. Except in the very youngest children (e.g. Kindergarteners), I believe uninvited touches are intrusions of choice.

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        • Wow. I really jumped down your throat there. Sorry about that!

          I should have pointed out what I AGREED with in what you said: That boys can feel overwhelmed by their feelings, and that they may have received no instruction or modeling for what to do with girls. (No appropriate modeling: They’ve had lots if input from adult-oriented TV, cable, video, films.)

          SO-CALLED REVEALING SCHOOL CLOTHES

          I do think boys have a tougher row to hoe these days, now that girls commonly wear low–cut blouses and shortie-shorts to school. Some feminists even feel that the right of their daughters to wear such clothes is a fem freedom issue. In my opinion, not only does this play right into the Backlash-happy hands of marketers who are thrilled to keep as much gender-distinct blue-and-pink as possible, but:

          saying “It’s up to males to control themselves!”, while 100% true, ignores the equal truth that young males literally CANNOT control the joystick between their legs from springing erect at awkward times during early puberty. It is downright cruel to surround them with T&A at school. It causes boys horrendous embarrassment at just the time when they should be growing in confidence and independence.

          Just one woman’s opinion.

          Liked by 2 people

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          • Thank you for your detailed comments. I agree with nearly everything you’ve said. The areas where I disagree are scarcely more than hair-splitting. I agree with your definition of rape. It was a stupid question on my part.

            I did not intend to excuse unwanted touching. However, I’d like to add a little nuance to the issue, as follows:

            I would say with some conviction that we can never assume that children “know full well they are doing wrong.” I cannot know for sure what any child has been taught, and even if a thing has been taught, that a child was paying attention and learned it. This is why we have juvenile law and juvenile legal proceedings.

            Complicating the issue, girls and boys mature at different rates. Based on my memory from 50-some years ago, girls were entering puberty in sixth, seventh, and eighth grades and quickly transforming into young women. I doubt than any boy in my classes entered puberty before eighth grade, and most did not enter puberty until ninth or tenth grade.

            The point I’m trying to make is that a prepubescent boy is a child and I don’t believe that a child can be considered to be a sex criminal.

            Young people enter puberty at younger ages now. Boys and girls are exposed to far more information through the media and at school. In my day, the internet did not exist, television was censored, and sex education was all but forbidden. Therefore, I acknowledge that I’m not qualified to say anything about sexual tension in seventh and eighth grades today. But I think children are still children, nonetheless.

            That’s why I very much appreciate your recognition that the way girls dress and act in school has a significant impact on boys. Certainly, boys should never touch girls in a sexual way without permission. And girls should understand that even though it is legal to dress a certain way, it may not be the best choice, and it might have undesirable consequences.

            I don’t think we need to agree to disagree. We can probably Agree to Agree on nearly everything.

            Liked by 1 person

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            • I am nothing if not absolutist and opinionated. Moreover, as you can imagine, these are sensitive (today’s buzzword is “trigger”) topics for me. Being aware of this, I am always open to polite discussion and possible correction.

              You are right that we are fairly close in agreement, and fully so when it comes to dismay over abdication of, or ignorance of parenting, and open-door policies to unhealthy media influences.

              Like

            • Well, I was going to go on, but I DO always go on, don’t I?
              🙄
              I think that finger-slip to Send was fate’s way of telling me to End. We’ve both had good things to say. Thank you!
              😊

              Like

  9. Oh Wow! Some hard-biting truths these are! Plus, if the phenomenal Writer that is O.B, whose writings holds me in total awe is what some pretty misguided, misinformed and extremely clueless lots….cads at best term ugly, then; ugly must be the new definition of ‘Uber- Cool’! What do they know anyways?! As far as am concerned, we only see what we wanna see and you know what they say bout beauty…..its skin deep, in the eyes of the beholder! Little wonder why a myopic few who couldn’t possibly dare to come up close and personal to unravel what treasures you have buried within you would think to make snap judgments and say shits like the craps I just read up there!

    Sometimes, however thick our skins are, or the confidence levels we’ve built overtime; some folks are just bad news…fouled-up; they open up their mouths and spew arsenic! If we”re lucky enough to come back and get past that kinda inhumane verbal abuse, dappy! Sadly, some people never quite come back from it! The toxic words rents spaces in their heads, and they become real disoriented and demoralized! They get stripped of their self-esteem and depression…..feelings of inadequacy and not being good enough sets in! They end up hiding away and missing out on life and its givings! Not you Babe, you’re here and you’re telling your story! I plain fail to see ugly and at the end of the day, an opinion is an opinion is a friggin’ opinion…Ha! That’s what’s up! 😈😆

    Thanks for sharing Babe and stunning defines you in all of your entirety! ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Thank you, my always-supporter. I was pretty screwed up, but am only a little so now
      🤓🙃,
      in comparison. I better recognize petty or evil motivations of others now. I don’t know about stunning, but I’ll take “not bad”
      😇
      inside and “won’t make ya’ puke”
      🙊
      outside!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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