Here at The Last Half, we consider it our responsibility to educate the American public, which has demonstrated a remarkable absence of mind when it comes to knowledge of Science-y stuff.
And we have an addiction to reading Science blurbs.
And we email the best ones to ourselves and want to share.
So every Sunday, give or take 51 or so Sundays a year, we will post the best Science blurbs of the week, or of whenever we got around to reading them, put into layperson’s terms–words a person could understand while laying in bed half-asleep. Get ready for…
…Amazing Science!
Men Make Boobs Grow
It’s a fact, Jack. Once, this totally cool dude I was dating, a programmer-analyst type just like I was, smarter than smart ( 🙄 ), said the dumbest-#ss thing to me whilst we were between the sheets:
” —
Oh, wait–You need a little context first:
He wouldn’t stop playing with my boobs.
I mean, he wouldn’t stop. Now, I’m pretty darn fond of having my boobs played with, but there comes a point where anything gets old, and he was seventeen minutes and thirty-five seconds past that point. So I had just said:
“What the frig? What’s with all the boob-playing?!”
NOW you have the context. And then HE said:
“It’s so they’ll grow.”
Have you ever heard anything so d#mned dumb in all your life?! And this from one of the otherwise-smartest guys you’d hope to meet!
I just about laughed my boobs off! I ragged on him so bad! He actually told me he’d always figured
“…the only reason some chicks are flat-chested is because they haven’t had their boobs played with enough.”
Oh, my aching chest.
Well now I may have to eat my words. At least when it comes to pregnant boobs, single mom rats wind up with smaller boobs than married mom rats. Their boobs grow less during pregnancy, getting less milk in them.
We don’t know that the same man magic happens to human boobs, but it might. In which case, I owe that long-ago dude an apology:
Sorry, dude. If man-magic can grow pregnant boobs, maybe it can grow unpregnant ones too.
Ladies with big boobs, let this be your warning:
STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!
ADDENDUM: MEN STINK
The paper this stuff came from will tell you the theory about why the boobs grow is that men stink. The ratty-men’s smelly pheromones make the ratty-women’s breasts go all a titter (I’m tittering typing that).
The paper also tells you that the single (i.e. unscented) ratty-moms nurse their babies less, and their babies are a bit less smart. THAT is interesting.
ADDENDUM: EXTRA SCIENCE LESSON FOR IDIOTS
No, you idiot. Her boobs are not tiny because no one ever liked them and no one ever played with them. Playing with them more will not make them grow. Does your dick reach the ceiling yet? Idiot.
ADDENDUM: WHERE ARE THE “OTHER SCIENCE-Y FACTS?”
I’m sorry. That’s all we have time for this week. If the world is still here next Sunday–if the world’s boobs haven’t yet destroyed it–maybe next week! Here’s a video instead:
CYMATICS: Science Vs. Music – Nigel Stanford from Nigel Stanford on Vimeo.
The Last Half 
Cynthia Jobin
/ 2015/07/05I laughed myself silly over this one!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/05Thank you. (Me too. : )
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Paul
/ 2015/07/05Gives credence to Large boobs being “Hand raised”.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/05Double
🙄
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swo8
/ 2015/07/05Wow, that was amazing!
Leslie
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/05Do you mean the awesome power of Science? Yes, it certainly is.
😀
Thank you!
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ChristineR
/ 2015/07/05Words fail me. 😮 Just as well we are not rats. Anyway, I was behind the door when boobs were handed out. My first husband used to tell me that any more than a handful was just a waste. 😀 😀 😀
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/05I used to say that, and my friend K., smaller, said “mouthful”.
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ChristineR
/ 2015/07/05LOL. ❤
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Master of Something Yet
/ 2015/07/06Pfft. Just….pffffffft.
Laughed like a flat-chested mother of gifted children, I did. A lot. 😀
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06That makes me do this:
🙂 🙂 🙂
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Almost Iowa
/ 2015/07/06[considering the possibilities]
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06Of shish-kabobbed unwilling women? THOSE possibilities?
Guys are so illogical about wanting keys deeper than keyholes.
Just gimmee one that doesn’t rattle in the lock.
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gpicone
/ 2015/07/06Darn! I was hoping this was a new break through in science! But I still haven’t given up research on the dick thing yet 🙂
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06I knew I was going to regret saying that word uncensored in my post, hypocritical potty-mouth closet prude that I am, for seeing it in print in your comment made me give a teensy cringe for a moment. So silly. Especially because your comment is funny!
😀
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claragbush29
/ 2015/07/06I hear the guys on other planets have bigger dicks because their mates have no boobs. Humm. Wonder what science-y hypothesis we can come up with for that tidbit?
All kidding aside—love your humor! Does that come from man-handling as well? 😉
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06Those guys? Yeah. I heard about them. They only think their dicks are bigger because they spend all their post-pubescent years telling each other how huge they are down there. The suppression of mammary development among the females of the species has recently been linked to an autocidal reaction triggered by extreme eye-rolling-induced nausea.
😉
Thank you! And I wish. I have yet to find a man, or he me, who is interested in my combination of quaint, old-fashioned, womanly charms, ( 🙄 ) excellent health (!), lack of diet restrictions (!!), healthy purse ( 😀 ) , and laid-back devil-may-care attitude ( 😮 ). The more fools, they!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06That is, since leaving Fang…
😥
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Unreqwrited
/ 2015/07/06Loved it! That’s what I call a laugh and learn post – hilarious and educational 2 for one 😀 Incredible that boob dude made it that far in dating without being told before? Or perhaps he chose not to believe it? Or he had a boob fetish and that was his cover? No matter the pinocchio come-back was spot on. And that’s not a lie 😉 PS loved the cymatics vid too 🙂
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06I wish I’d thought of the Peno-cchio response at the time–what a missed “teachable (reachable 😉 ) moment”.
Seriously, the guy was VERY smart, and super nice–we kept dating for some months after. He wrote to me for ages. (I looked for his letters for my post on old BF letters and they are GONE!! 😦 )
I think he was terribly embarrassed. I think the myth had been something acquired as a “Young Man’s Tale” (something totally without merit, versus the bulk of Smart Woman’s Tales) at such a young age he’d never questioned it.
Much as self-taught early readers have “book words” we mispronounce in our heads until, one day, we say one aloud in public and are humiliated.
One of mine was “archipelago”. I said “Ark-i-puh-LAH-go”. I still start to say it that way first, and have to hurry and fix it, every time.
🙄
Glad you liked that video–I really did, too!
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Unreqwrited
/ 2015/07/06Yeah it’s always a challenge with some words, to get the accent on the right syl-AB-bull. One of my favourites is molybdenite. For those that may not know – moll IBB den ite. And with that, Babe, have a good night 🙂
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06Mo-LYB-duh-nite,
It sounds just right,
It’s what you would expect,
But arch-i-PEL-i-go,
Oh, no;
That word’s a total wreck.
Good night, Stephanie.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/06I was gonna keep going, but I’m tired, too.
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markbialczak
/ 2015/07/07That particular activity should be a two-way street, Babe, but my thoughts are usually more short term, if you get my drift. Science dweeb guy. Yeesh. I wonder if that was his Master’s thesis? One of those four-years-to-complete-the-research fellas? See you next week for more eye-opening science news, I’m certain.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/07I swear, Mark, my intent was a totally-straight here-to-inform-you set of brief bullets summarizing three or four of the blurbs I felt had important info. But this first post just got away from me somehow. It had a mind of its own! Boobs for brains, even. As we used to say, back when we said sexist things like that.
We’ll see if I can manage one a week. I need to finish the Autocidal series, I still owe Yemi a Bully series entry (and I have my own ending to add), I told someone I’d answer their Liebster questions and haven’t…
And here you post daily. Arghh. How do you DO that!? Amazing!
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markbialczak
/ 2015/07/07Making the science posts personal like this is so much more fun, Babe. Please and thank you?! Just saying.
And I post daily because I have a vision that it somehow will lead to a job replacement situation that also brings in the financial renumeration I require. Keep me sharp? Networking? Intellectual discovery? All of the above in some combination, most likely.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/07Oh, I understand WHY. I’m just saying I COULDN’T, and I’m impressed that you CAN.
🙂
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markbialczak
/ 2015/07/07Thank you, Babe. I appreciate it.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/07You’re welcome, Mark.
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kirizar
/ 2015/07/07Since I am at work, I dare not stay on this screen long…and I am not brave enough to play the video, since I work at a religious organization. Muffling laughter though. Definitely muffling laughter.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/07Oh, my. Are your feet feeling the first flicks of flames?
😈
My work here is done. BWAH-ah-ah!!
Enjoy your day! And all day long, whatever you do, try NOT to accidentally glance down at male coworkers’ crotches, thinking about the ceiling, and burst out laughing for no reason like an insane maniac.
BWAH-ah-ah!!
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longchaps2
/ 2015/07/08If they had taught this in sixth grade science class there would have been a LOT less paper airplanes flying around. And a LOT more second base action later. 🙂 You are AWESOME! This is hilarious.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/08Thank you! I am glad to see another woman so excited by STEM studies!
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longchaps2
/ 2015/07/08Well of course. I might need to do a little control study to be sure this is true science. I will discuss it with Butler. See if I can get his cooperation.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/08Dang you to say that to a woman you know is currently on her lonesome!
Laughed my arse off, though.
😀
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RR
/ 2015/07/16“Does your dick reach the ceiling yet?”
Eff me that was classic.
Perfect read for me at the end of ‘one of THOSE days’ – Cheers!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/29Hi, Rebecca,
Thank you! Glad my words were able to help lift you on a day sorely needing it. Apologies for the long delayed response. I’m still offline as far as posting goes, but will slowly try to work my way back over the next days or weeks to read others’ posts. Been some drama at my end that just overwhelmed me.
🙄
Cheers back atcha!
–O. Babe
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RR
/ 2015/07/29Hiya OB!
Your posts always inspire me. I admire your writing.
Sorry that you are offline. And to hear about the overwhelming drama. Icky. And never good for one’s health.
Hope things turn around for you. Looking forward to the next read.
Be well.
Rebecca
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/29Oh, thank you for that!
XX
You and yours, too!
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/07/29Hey Babe, where have you been? The Internet has missed you!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/29Hello, Phil,
That was awfully nice of you.
❤
I have missed your column, and the words and friendship of many of my online friends, and the support of my followers. I’ve been going through some stuff–a combination of stuff (some medical, some non)–and just haven’t been able to manage WP. I hadn’t planned to drop suddenly the way I did. So rudely! Keep trying to get back, but I have to TCB in other life areas for a bit longer. I was planning to try to dip in a read others’ posts a bit, so guess your msg is my cue to start with yours!
🙂
–O. Babe
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/07/30Well I’m glad you responded. TCB and come when you can.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/07/29Dear Phil,
After 16 days away from WP, your sweet comment today
❤
is the first I responded to. WP rewarded me by losing the reply.
😦
I have been a bit overwhelmed dealing with some life nonsense. I have missed your great humor, the blogs of all my other pals, the friendship of you and all my WP friends, and the support of my fantastic followers. At some point–I hope soon–I’ll be back.
–O. Babe
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/07/30It didn’t lose it. I’m just glad to know you’re still out there. Take care of yourself and don’t worry about the WP world. We’ll be here when you get back.
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sueddie
/ 2015/08/08Hee hee hee! This had me rolling over (in my mind of course!) No, it hasn’t reached the ceiling yet! 😀 Mwahahahahaahaha!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/11/12Oh, Sueddie, a very belated “Thank you!”. And your women friends are most grateful it has NOT reached the ceiling.
🙂
(I have been away from WP, and will be away longer, but dipped back today for a short while.)
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sueddie
/ 2015/12/06When we do we hope to get you back soon 🙂
Waited a bit in hope to catch new updates. Whatever happened… Oh well.
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/09/19Where have you been? Are you ok? I hope so.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/09/19Thank you, Phil.
❤
I am, basically, fine. It is only that an uptick in the series of unfortunate events that often seems to constitute too large a part of my life has temporarily overwhelmed me. Since my stack already felt overfull prior to this…I don’t know when I’ll be back. Each time I think I will, something else occurs (some of it really irksome autocidal-related stuff).
Anyhow, eventually. Meanwhile, thank you so much for caring and inquiring. I know there are great laughs from all your back posts waiting for me when I do come back!
🙂 🙂 🙂
–O. Babe
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rumpydog
/ 2015/10/26I think you are too kind. That guy needed the shit slapped out of him.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/11/12I love your anger. It sounds just like the way I usually am. I swear sometimes we woman should have an instant-alert system–a Twitter-tree (and I don’t even tweet) so that we could call on every feminist within a given radius of a jerkwad to gang up on him and f*ck with him until he cries Aunt.
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