An Autocidal Life, Part 9: In Which Babe’s Babe Borrows Blood Baddies

A new grandma, almost killing her new grandson!? The brand new babe’s father, cheering her on?

Yes–That’s in THIS post 🙂

Murderous Grandma Matroishka Doll

But She Looks So Harmless!

(If you missed the beginning of our exciting and sometimes-gross-but-still-riveting story, here it is.)
 
He Got More Than Just Her Eyes
 

Where Babe’s babe almost dies.
 

First, let me introduce you to “before” Justin. Here he is at two days old:
 

Just in Lap 1 Babe had been dangerously food-allergic; she wanted to be extremely cautious with Justin. He was to be breast-fed only.
 
When Justin was exactly fourteen days old, and Joe’s parents came to visit, this was emphasized to them by Babe. Just before Babe herself, foolishly, stepped out of the house for her first breath of freedom in two weeks.

Little White Girl Thinking Duh

You Left Your MOTHER-In-Law In Charge With Your Brand New Baby!? 😮

Joe’s mother disliked Babe (as did Joe, unknown then to Babe). With Joe’s blessing–and with Joe’s dad Bruno proudly filming–Brunhilde fed Justin his very first bottle of formula.
 
Later, after a frantic race to intensive care, the pediatrician told Babe: “He was an hour from death.”
 

Newborn White Baby in NICU Iincubator
 

Justin was highly milk-allergic. Thankfully, once IV fluids were given, and the last of the formula cleared his system, he perked up.
 
Then, the hospital, just like Joe and his parents, ignored Babe’s instructions: They gave Justin more milk formula AGAIN.
 

South Park Those B-stards
 

Why would they do this? Were they morons?
 
Yes. Yes, they were.
 
They did it because they assumed BABE was a moron, and her family were morons, too.
 
The hospital doctors made the usual assumption specialists make of laypeople:
 
“They is dum.” And, in this case:
“There’s no milk allergy–That dim mother-in-law gave that dim baby a dim dirty bottle!”
 
But, when Justin got sick AGAIN, the dim doctors learned their lesson, didn’t they?
 
No. Remember who the morons really were:
 
Those super smarties gave Justin SOY formula next.
 

Keep Calm and Kill Those Bastards  

And they did that even though Babe was right there at the NICU, her recently-preggers Behemoth-boobs a mere room away. Plus, stockpiled in the NICU fridge, a truckload of Babe-certified boob-juice from her additional 12-14 ounces per each two-hour pumping session.
 
Thanks to the doctors at the hospital Cedars Sinai, just like Brunhilde and Joe, deciding they knew better than Babe, it was proven again that her fears were justified: Justin was highly soy-allergic, too.
 
By this time, little Justin’s system was just overwhelmed. Besides getting weak and deydrated from the soy, he got a horrendous rash from head to toe that looked exactly like a very bad case of acne.
 
Neonatal Lupus Baby
 
The pediatrician suspected neonatal lupus. She consulted a neonatal lupus specialist from Children’s Hospital, who agreed.
 
(ASNIDE: ‘Fess up: How many of you were thrown, even if only for a sec, by that “She”? Because when we see “pediatrician”, most of us are programmed to think doctor=male… 😐 )
 
A positive ANA test (remember that, from seventeen posts back in this neverending series?) lent support to the lupus diagnosis. The lupus specialist reported this back to Babe’s pediatrician, who shared this with Babe.
 
Yet, when Babe spoke directly with the specialist afterward, he pooh-poohed neonatal lupus to Babe.
 
Remember THAT? That lupus bible’s advice about keeping us ladies in the dark?
 

Frumpy Old Mushroom Women

But That Is the Old-Fashioned Way!

Modern Mushroom Women

Today’s Chic Mushroom Women Know Better.

Neonatal lupus is usually no big. It’s when a baby doesn’t have lupus, but has lupus symptoms because of time spent sharing mom’s blood.
 

Not all babies of lupus moms show symptoms–just as with adults, it is theorized that physical or emotional stress can bring these on. The symptoms almost always go away as the baby’s own blood supply gets going.  

Justin was okay, once Cedars got done messing with him. He went home after five days. He was pale, and weak, and sort of despairing-looking, as if he had barely survived some awful experience. Which he had.  

Meet “after” Justin:

Shell-Shocked Justin

Shell-Shocked Justin, Not Quite 3 Weeks Old

In addition to multiple “finger stick” blood draws each day from his heels (Babe counted up to thirteen stab marks in one heel before she stopped, crying), Cedars had administered a spinal tap, without anesthesia.

Babe heard his terrified screaming during that test through two sets of double doors and down a long hallway.
   

MAD.ENDUM 1
 
These posts are…difficult. They mean I must review the time of my marriage.
 
When I walked in and saw the unholy triumvirate smiling down at tiny Justin with that bottle of formula jammed in his mouth;
 
And Brunhilde looking up at me with the smuggest, most self-satisfied smile on her face;
 
And Joe giving a quick mini-version of the same;
 
I am not a skilled enough writer. I don’t have the words to encompass what I felt. Those two cared more for victory over me than they cared about the little human being held by Brunhilde.
 
Afterward, when I held Justin, he was logy [draggy, tired]. Later, my always-hungry always-crying boy wouldn’t feed, and he wasn’t crying properly: His usual ear-piercing screams were now the sounds of a weak, sick cat. He even refused water. THAT is when I called the doctor and told her what was happening.
 
I began with his cat-crying. She said “Get him in here NOW!! Don’t wait to call an ambulance–run lights if you can!”
 
My in-laws had come to stay for a week “to see the new baby”. Yet, instead of coming to see that baby in the NICU, they and Joe didn’t visit Justin until the evening of his third full day there. Joe denied this later, and I’m betting would still deny it today, but the hospital has the sign-in records that show the truth.
 
I, of course, was there every day, all day, and most of each night, holding and singing and talking to Justin whenever they would let me, and bouncing and rocking him so he wouldn’t cry.
 
I hated my f#cking in-laws and husband for not giving a sh#t about him. But they were simply being like most people today. Why go out of their way? I was doing that. Why should they?
 

MAD.ENDUM 2
 
Justin’s NICU release records reflect that the sole cause of all his troubles was an intestinal infection caused by inadequate bottle cleaning.
 
Thus, blame falls on non-medical folks’ incompetence, which follows medical prejudice, and lets Cedars off the hook for their threatening his life with their milk and soy almost-fiascos.
 

WRONG.ENDUM
 
Below is the ending that the LAST post in this series should have had. I accidentally had it appended to the draft for this side journey. Oops. After a coupla’ days, I’m actually gonna wipe it offa’ here and paste it onto there and just pretend like it was always there. Y’all will just forget this ever happened. 🙄
 
He Told Her So
 
Where Babe’s doctor feels smug.
 
Babe’s lupus doctor was disturbingly unsympathetic about her severe arthritis pain, which was very different from his warm, sympathetic office manner on every visit before she’d told him she was pregnant. Dr. R. was clearly still irked with her for ignoring his advice–or rather, his orders. He took obvious pleasure in actually saying the words: “I told you so.” Babe had to go back on the drugs. She would have to stop breast-feeding her baby.
 
She was ashamed that most of what she felt was relief.
 
Study Questions: Would you have stayed on the drugs through the pregnancy?

 

Advertisements
Leave a comment

58 Comments

  1. My blood pressure just went through the roof. Oh. My. God. What a bunch of ….splutter… splutter…. Aaaaargh.

    I don’t know how you got through that intact. And my admiration of you for managing to write about it knows no bounds. Good God, Babe. It’s just so…. I can’t even find the words.

    Have to stop writing. About to burst into tears. And I feel a need to punch something. Hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • What was hard was to let go of the guilt. I am almost mostly okay about that now. Almost mostly. There is worse to come, in a way. Seeing that I stayed with that man, and the harm he put my children through… They think, I think, that they are happy now, and well-adjusted, and have displaced all their prior unhappiness by laying the blame for it at my feet. Okay. I guess that is my cross I have to bear for staying with their father.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • But life is messy and hard to read when we’re in the middle of it. It’s one thing to look back and think “There. That moment. That’s when I should have/could have….” but when we’re just trying to survive or we think it has to get better or whatever sense we’re trying to make of it at the time, it’s easy to make what seem to us now to be very poor choices.
        If your kids are happy and well-adjusted, you did good, Babe. And in damn difficult circumstances (and I haven’t even heard the rest yet). Maybe you didn’t do it perfectly but how many of us have?

        Liked by 3 people

        Reply
  2. Oh, OB, I would have ripped those doctors (and the in-laws) all new assholes. I can’t believe it – well I can, it just blows my mind. Did your son grow up OK? Did any of the problems carry forward to his adulthood?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Wow. My mother in law told me my breast milk was thin and blue and thus no good and insisted we switch our newborn to formula. WTF is wrong with people. It’s amazing your son survived all that. It’s a wonder new mothers ever attempt having a second child.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • (Oops–the “that one” was for another commenter).

      It IS a wonder. When Hilary said “It takes a village (as if THAT was original with her–HA!!), it is sometimes despite the village that one’s baby makes it.

      I’m sorry your mother-in-law was also a b#tch.

      Like

      Reply
  4. My head is spinning. Un-freaking-believable. The in-laws, not the story. How did you manage to stay sane?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • That’s a big assumption, Maggie.
      o_O
      O_o

      Like

      Reply
      • Seriously. How can a psyche endure such chaos and utter disregard? Not to mention the postpartum stuff or the severe physical strain of Lupus!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • Honestly? I was lowered not to expect any better, so that helped. (Sounds strange, but can you see how?) I’d had home practice at stoicism and acceptance.

          I don’t think my core felt entitled to humane treatment.

          While I am no longer that emotionally crippled, I suspect, from the nature of some interactions I continue to have, I still don’t, fully. Too much permanent damage. This either p#sses me off or saddens me, depending on my mood–when I realize, after the fact, that I’ve again acted like the beaten dog. But there’s not a thing I can do about it, so I just have to Zen out, do my mindful awareness, and pay attention to every hair of that cat as I kick it into next Sunday.

          😕 Is she for serious?
          🐱 Of course not. Look how cute we are.
          😈 Not THAT cute.

          Like

          Reply
  5. Stupid freaking idiots, Babe. When did you kill them all?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. This brought back some ugly Mother In Law memories for me. She always talked poorly of breast feeding, was hoping I’d give it up…mostly because she wanted the satisfaction of bottle feeding my kids, and was convinced that I was persisting just to spite her. I nursed both of them for 8 to 9 months. I had my reasons, of course, that had nothing to do with her. Idiot.
    There’s more…she bled and hurt and gave up nursing her own children after just a few days…expected me to be the same, maybe. There was a theory I read years ago about the effect of removing the breast too soon from an infant…and the effect it has later on breast-obsessed men. No further comment. ☺

    Like

    Reply
    • Fascinating point about the breast over-obsession. Attraction: Normal. Obsession: Juvenile.

      This mother-in-law stuff touches off yet another of my many feminist shoulder chips: How the male-dominated culture has always pointed mother-in-law “humor” at the wife’s mother, when, around the world, it seems to be universal that it is more often his that causes, or tries to cause, more marital discord (and more often the husbands that pooh-pooh or even enable this interference).

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  7. Then, the hospital, just like Joe and his parents, ignored Babe’s instructions: They gave Justin more milk formula AGAIN.

    Unfreaking-believable.

    Now tell me that your ex-mother-in-law was a nurse… 😦

    I know people like that… all too well. One idiot and her friends held a prayer vigil to drive demons out of her baby’s crib – in lieu of taking the kid to the clinic. Yeah, people like that still exist and always will.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • All adults participating in the bottle-feeding valued Justin.

      Italian Bruno had pure pride for “his” first grandson, so much more important than mere granddaughters. (Today, such bigotry should repulse every man and woman). Bruno was such a sexist back then, he didn’t pay attention to “baby stuff”, and he would have naturally trusted wife Brunhilde’s word about it over Babe’s–so he’s mostly off the hook for blame.

      German Brunhilde loved all children (to the extent she was capable–not as independent beings, but as beings under her thumb.) She did not intend to cause harm. She intended (1) to be in charge, and (2) to have my child love her better than he loved me. Because she already saw him as a baby Joe–her son returned to her. Not unintelligent, her fundamentalist Lutheranism had forced her to remain ignorant of Science. Thus, besides despising me for stealing her son, she may have closed her ears out of habit to my devil’s Science-y talk about milk allergies and bottles versus breast.

      -Joe had his replacement Joe–interesting, to a narcissistic sociopath–and an object highly desired by Bruno who would therefore be more generous in inheritance to Joe. Joe was fully aware of the risks in giving the bottle, but chose to ignore them. He had no love for Justin–he’s a sociopath–the only love he ever developed for Justin was self-love–and he would not go against his parents’ wishes and rock THAT gravy boat.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  8. Hospital incompetence ;;;;;;,,,,,,grrrr.. I don’t know how you coped and didn’t, well, maybe explode or commit multiple murder….so many victims to choose! Your writing is till riveting me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. still….that is!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Seriously Babe, don’t know how you steeled yourself against all these circumstances. It is all too much. And little Justin was a fighter too. At 3 weeks he looks like an old soul and I bet he is as brilliant as his mother 🙂 This is tough to read for the shear heartbreak factor, but I bet it was tougher to write and you did so with profound clarity. Your auto-biography about your auto-cidal life is a testament to your human spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Thank you, Stephanie. Yes, Justin, and his brother Jonah, were both born smart. For instance, Justin spoke “ed” and “boo” to name those particular colored blocks when he was not yet toddling–he began walking at seven months… But, then again, he was forced to listen to an Aspie chatting at him constantly. Both boys had to talk precociously in self-defense.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • I should write a post sometime highlighting just how brilliant I really am. “Babe’s Boners”. “Outlier’s Outtakes”. “The Last Half’s Gaffes”.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      • I’m sure it would be brilliantly funny 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • It would have to be a never-ending series. If I did it well, maybe it could be sold for vid–the modern Soap:

          “Dope”!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          • I would be honored to laugh with you 🙂 Oh the humanity 😉

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            • I definitely must post about the first time I had sex. Oh, the inanity.
              🙂

              Liked by 2 people

            • Stephanie, staring at that blank icon (when using my Iphone) whenever you post a comment–a blank, for a person who is the opposite of that–bugs me no end. I hear (feminist)remade-Rundgren:

              We’ve got to get you a human.

              If you won’t choose your own virtual visual, I swear one will be chosen and thrust upon you. You don’t want that. Votes are currently running in favor of a wasabi pea abacus rampant on a scarlet wok.

              Yes, I, too, wonder why, but learned long ago the truth of the adage:

              There’s no accounting for taste.
              😉

              Liked by 1 person

            • Daaanng, I’m good!!

              Liked by 1 person

            • I will post one soon, currently my computer has to go in the shop, it crashed on the weekend, probably virus. Should have it back in a few days. In the meantime, using computer at the office, so replies will be sporadic until issues resolved 😦

              Liked by 1 person

            • 😦
              You are really having a terrible run of luck. It may be because we get along. Spin around three times widdershins under a full moon. It can’t hurt.

              Liked by 1 person

  11. “I am not a skilled enough writer. I don’t have the words to encompass what I felt.”

    Dang. If only you’d mentioned that sooner, you’d have spared me the hassle of hitting that “follow” button. In fact if you’d mentioned what a crap writer you are right at the very beginning of this series, you’d have spared me sitting glued to my computer, ignoring my phone, ignoring my deadline, ignoring the fact that I’m an hour-plus late to get dinner into the slow cooker, while I read it all.

    Seriously? I can’t continue with the ignoring, but I’ll be back to read more. You don’t need more words – you are one heck of a writer.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • First, thank you. Thank you very much!

      I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I think I can be a good writer (and used to consistently be one) at explaining complex or multi-step things simply, using a simple vocabulary and sentence structure.

      I think my story is what is interesting, and the choppiness of blogging masks the repetitive structure and vocabulary of the writing. But because you and now several others have complimented my writing, perhaps I am wrong.

      I will, from now on, try better to actively avoid remarks that make it appear I’m knocking my own writing.

      Thanks to your lovely compliment, I did notice I had two “there”s there, in one of them there paragraphs, that have sat there through several dozen re-readings. Think I’ll head over there and fix that there err’r now.

      Like

      Reply
      • Oh, I obsessively edit and re-edit my stuff after putting it up. Nothing strange about that! I think what I love about your writing is the clarity and simplicity. You don’t dress it up, and your sparing use of language takes the reader right to the bare hurting bones of the story. Very powerful indeed!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  12. Arrogant medical professionals who think they know your body better than you do are the worst. Fortunately, I don’t think it’s the majority of them.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Ah. I see you weren’t here for the other posts. NOT in any way meant critically of you, Phil–just of too many docs.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • I’ve read most of the other posts! Didn’t you see my likes? I didn’t interpret any criticism of me. I’m not a medical professional. Like I said, some docs dismissively don’t listen to their patients, but there are still some good ones out there.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        • I’m both ashamed and sorry, Phil. You DO read, and Like, my (endless) posts, and that reply if mine was a slap in the face to not only a reader of my blog, but someone I consider one of my online friends. I just wasn’t thinking.

          Yes, there are many caring doctors, many knowledgable doctors, many effective doctors, and even those who are all three things most of the time (which has to be awfully tough in that job–do you read Victo Dolore?). I have been lucky enough to have had some doctors like that.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          • No, I haven’t read Victo Dolore. And there’s no reason for you to be apologize or be ashamed. You have a lot of great readers. It’s hard to keep up with or reply to everything. Truth be told, I’ve had two negative experiences with docs this year. BTW, come back to my blog on Friday. I have a great interview guest that you’ll remember from an iconic TV show in the 70’s.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
  13. 😮 Wow, Babe, gobsmacked by the idiotic behaviour by all parties, especially the hospital. Your analysis sounds right, though. (Fortunately, I have the sweetest, loving, mother-in-law you can imagine – this time around.) Shaking my head … I still cannot imagine the gall of someone producing formula like that as soon as you step out of the house. At least with the hospital you can put it down to lack of communication between shift changes, maybe, but … yes … appalled. My heart went out to poor little shell-shocked Justin. It’s a pity the little blighters have to grow up and have opinions of their own. My heart goes out to you, Babe.

    Like

    Reply
    • Thanks so much, Christine. You are too generous about the hospital. Their formula efforts were fully intended. After the soy, they tried a THIRD formula. They were a determined bunch, those Cedars f#ckers. They never once fed Justin any of my pumped breast milk.

      On the plus side, I wound up needing to feed him formula, so we had to use that specialized fractured-protein never-allergenic formula they finally resorted to–the most expensive one known to human-kind, of course.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  14. I am so sorry. I just can’t find enough outrage to encompass how I feel on behalf of your poor baby and you. And though this is a moment in your past, it lives on in memory. Why do the sucky things always live on, as though you could rip a hole in the space-time continuum and relive it anew each time you visit it? I have no idea how you managed not to slap them all until your hand got tired.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Are you getting ANY work done today? (I know I’m not, and must start now.) Thank you SO much, Kiri: For reading and reading, and Liking and Liking, and for your sympathetic indignation. It helps to fill the deep well of my hate with something healthier.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • I always have to remind myself that Darth Sidious is not a positive role model and that “Good, Let The Hate Flow Through You.” isn’t a motivational slogan to live by.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

Best comment wins prize! (sorry, i tell naughty lie...)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: