Part 3, in which Babe develops a lifetime fear of tasty pastry.
If you missed Part 2 of our exciting and gross-but-still-riveting lupus story (and why did you? shame on you!), you can read it here. If you even missed Part 1 (zut alors!!), I understand why you’re not yet showing your face in public, but–sweet relief–here is your remedy.
The Helpful Cramps Doctor
Babe told her gynecologist about the cramps during sex. He was both sympathetic and fascinated.
“Right when you come? And he’s average-sized down there? I’ve never heard of this one before! Every time? That has to be terrible! I can’t imagine– I’m really sorry, Babe.”
He did have a suggestion, though:
“Look, Babe, I don’t know if this will work, but menstrual cramps are uterine contractions, just like labor pains. Both are caused by prostoglandins [PRO-sto-glan-dins]–birth hormones.
You can try taking Naproxen, an anti-prostoglandin, a half hour ahead of when you plan to have sex. See if that helps.”
It worked–Yay! Now Babe could once again enjoy sex—as long as it wasn’t spontaneous.
An added bonus was that this was the first drug that had ever put a dent in Babe’s monthly menstrual cramps.
Thank you, Doctor K.!
The Disappointing Rash Doctor
Where Babe gets a rash. Big deal.
Rats! Babe had the rash on her forearms again.
Babe had been the Rash Queen, growing up. Red, scaly hands. Big pink patches on the fronts and backs of her knees and the insides of her elbows and forearms. Itchy, itchy days and nights.
She even had to sleep with socks on her hands, to try to stop scratching in her sleep.
When the rashes cleared, they left behind white areas that wouldn’t tan. In college, thanks to make-out sessions, her mouth and chin looked a lot like Fred Flintstone’s. She was so embarrassed.
This time, Babe took herself to the famous Cedars Sinai and saw a highly-recommended dermatologist-to-the-stars.
He took a quick glance, told her it was eczema, and gave her a cream. It had no effect, which she reported back to him, to his total disinterest.
Tough luck, Babe.
Study Questions:
Is this how that Oath goes?: “If at first you’ve done no harm, don’t try again.”?
The Helpful Rash Doctor
On her next appointment, Babe’s helpful gynecologist noticed her rash and asked her about it. Babe told him that a dermatologist at Cedars had told her it was ezcema, and had given her a cream that hadn’t worked.
“Well”, said the gynecologist, “My brother is a dermatologist—why don’t you try him?”
The gynecologist’s brother gave her an ointment that knocked the rash out flat.
At last, the itching had stopped. Yay! Now Babe could once again lounge in the pool or at the beach without embarrassment. This was the good life.
Thank you, Doctors K.!
Come For Our Pie, Stay To…DIE! Bwah-ah-ah!!
Where a tasty potpie causes a minor bump in the glorious road of life.
Babe and her boyfriend had gone out to relax at a restaurant famous for its pies. Babe ordered her favorite: Their awesome chicken pot pie: Yum!
The instant she took the first bite, though, she suddenly felt deathly ill. They left immediately.
As soon as they arrived home, Babe rushed into the bathroom and vomited over and over into the sink, horrified to watch the bowl fill with blood.
She was really scared for a minute. But after Babe remembered the phrase “bleeding ulcer”, she reasoned that her stomach pains and tonight’s bleeding were simply due to one.
Although she did at least decide to make a doctor’s appointment, Babe was mostly upset that she couldn’t face her favorite dinner ever again.
Study Questions:
Who knew a potpie could be dangerous?
The Disappointing Tummy Doctor
Where a doctor is unhelpful.
The doctor listened quietly as Babe described her history of severe stomach pain, and the incident of vomiting blood.
Babe mentioned that her boyfriend had been having some recent stomach pain, although not as severe as hers–she joked about it running “in the family”.
The doctor ordered blood tests, stool tests, and a barium X-ray. Afterward, he met with Babe and told her that there was no evidence of an ulcer.
He did find Salmonella bacteria and the Epstein-Barre virus, but didn’t think those were responsible for her symptoms.
The doctor suggested that the stomach pain might be due to stress, and that Babe should try to learn to relax. He also didn’t think her headaches were anything to worry about.
Since the doctor didn’t seem concerned, Babe went home, disappointed that she would still be in pain.
Between her fatigue, and the awful head and stomach pains, she felt trapped.
Just wait ’til you hear what happened next.
Disappointing? Make That Infuriating
Where a doctor can be worse than unhelpful.
Babe’s boyfriend went to see the same doctor. Exactly as with Babe, the doctor ordered blood tests, stool tests, and a barium X-ray. Exactly as with Babe, none the tests showed anything. So…The doctor wrote the boyfriend a prescription, and ordered MORE tests.
Babe was incensed. She phoned the doctor and asked:
“Why, when my tests showed nothing, did you do nothing, but when my boyfriend’s tests showed nothing, you did something?
I was the only one who vomited blood!
Why did you write him a prescription, and order him more tests, but do nothing for me?”
The doctor said Babe sounded over-tense. He suggested that she might want to “find someone to talk to about that”.
The bastard.
Study Questions:
How would you feel if a doctor did this to you?
Who thinks I should publish the name of this doctor?
Part 4, In Which Babe Becomes…A Calendar?
ADDENDUM
Some sources say Naproxen and other NSAIDs aren’t effective taken such a short time ahead of prostoglandin activity. Perhaps the pill helped my cramps only as a placebo. Which would mean the useless Pamprin and Motrin recommended previously worked as…non-placebos?
😉
Part 4, In Which Babe Becomes…A Calendar?
The Last Half 
Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/05/07God doctor/ bad doctor has totally been my experience with Jen too. We’ve finally hit on a neurologist who really genuinely cares and hops to it with genuine concern when bad times come. I remember after Jen’s last head injury which resulted in a terrible gash just how visibly shaken this doctor was and how very, very sorry. That makes such a difference.
I remember your terrible rashes as a child. Whatever Doctor K2 prescribed is a miracle and I hope you have a good stash of the stuff.
Regarding the pie photos. Where do you find these images? Honestly, Babe, you know i love your writing but even if I didn’t, I would still pop over to check out the photos and captions.
And what a surprise that a male doctor would take a male patient’s ailments more seriously than yours. Infuriating. I LOVE that you have the chutzpah to call him on it.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07I seriously almost named him, the swine.
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/05/07Swine is our family’s favorite term. It seems most apt here too.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07You don’t want to know what my favorite term is. But swine is a good one, too.
🙂
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07I didn’t respond thoughtfully or thoroughly enough, Barbara.
I am very glad, and grateful for your sake, that Jen has a neurologist who cares about her as a person. That is hard on the doctor as a person, but I think better for Jen, and you.
I do not have severe lupus symptoms now like I did in the past, and so do not battle rashes to the same degree–thank goodness. I do get the occasional beginning of a rash–a small patch or two–and I get sores–these will come later in the story. Thus far, I happily can use a less-aggressive cream to beat these into submission when I must.
I haven’t felt for a while like “doing up” the pics and captions like I used to, but really felt like it on this post. Unfortunately, the post was getting too long, at over 1,000 words, and adding captions, and more pics, would have added even more words. I was torn, for the post could have been seriously funny. Ah, well…
Thank you, though. I did like the pies.
🙂
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Almost Iowa
/ 2015/05/07I have always had bad vision. A decade ago, my eyes deteriorated to the point where I could not read – which for me was devastating. I could only work by using a very large monitor and this went on for years.
After we moved to another city, I went to see a new eye-doctor. Like the previous one, he said there was nothing he could do. It was just one of those things. A year later, I went back for my annual exam and the eye-doctor said he wanted an intern look at me before he did his exam.
In the course of the intern’s exam, she waved a hand-held eye chart in front of my face and asked how many lines I could read. I guessed the first. It’s always an “E”.
She then held some lenses up in front of my eyes. HOLY MOLY!! I could read all the way down to line six.
“Geez,” I cried, “get some duct tape and glue them onto my glasses!”
“Let’s try these first,” she said, swapping out another set of lenses. HOLY &^%$! I could read the entire card.
“What did you just do?” I asked.
“Oh,” she said, “I was just seeing if you needed [special prescription] reading glasses.”
Problem solved…….after three freak’n years of heartache.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07I am truly sorry you suffered unnecessarily.
It is difficult, reading Victo’s blog, and liking her, and hearing her good opinions of her fellow practioners. For I have had so many negative experiences with doctors that I find it difficult to think happy thoughts about them as a whole.
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/05/07HOLY COW, Greg, that is just an awful story. I can only imagine how devastated you were. I had a similar experience with my Jen who is stone-cold deaf as a result of antibiotics. Her ENT – E standing for EAR, told us there was nothing they could do for her short of the standard hearing aids which didn’t work. He specifically said her type of hearing loss would not be helped with cochlear implant. Which of course, thanks to a angel of an audiologist, turned out to be completely untrue. She can hear us now – albeit not well – and I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn’t met that one particular audiologist.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Thank God. Now think of all of the Jens who haven’t been so helped…
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kirizar
/ 2015/05/07Almost Iowa–while not exactly the same story, I could not believe how long I kept reading with my ‘normal’ glasses even after I got bifocals. Because of an unusual pupil dioptre, I was getting massive headaches after reading an hour. Finally got a pair of prescription reading glasses, problem solved. I hear you, brother!
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Paul
/ 2015/05/07Yep, doctors are like every one else- some are assholes. Finding good ones is a challenge but they are out there. I’ve had a few of each kind. Some I straightened out by pointing out they were assholes – actually got into a few shouting matches. i don’t use bad words or they can have me thrown out of their office or the hospital. I’ve written letters to their bosses, argued, changed doctors, refused treatment I felt was inappropriate, and in a few cases told them what to do – literally (not how to do it of course – just the destination of treatment). A few of the nurses that I have known for a while teasingly call me Doctor Paul. I have little or no knowledge of medicine but I know myself better than anyone. I will try anything that any doctor suggests, but i will tell them if it works or not. They ones who lasted now listen. Ha! I had one dialysis doctor who I got into with so many times that one day she came by during dialysis, looked at me sideways and said “I feel like you’ve been stalking me.” I replied”: “Not likely, I’m attached to this dialysis machine. However you would be correct if you said i was laying in wait for you.” Ha! In a way it was a compliment that in her head I was following her everywhere. Anyway, she always consults me and explains everytime she makes a change now.
I guess what I’m saying Babe is that people like you and I who live with doctors everyday , have to put a much effort into getting the right doctors for us as we put into getting well. It may seem a burden, but it is true.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Paul, you right in everything you say. And yet…
You are wise, you ran businesses, you are assertive. And you pee standing up.
Women have enough strikes against us trying to perform the basic act “making any request” of a man (see Deborah Tannen’s research. In brief, there is NO phrasing or tone we can choose which improves our chances of success. Men are socialized (or, if you are in this camp, genetically programmed) to resist. Then, studies have shown that both male and female physicians don’t assess the same complaints from male vs. female patients the same–they take those from males more seriously, and order more tests.
(Later note: Couldn’t find those decades-old studies, but this piece, without going into genders of docs, reveals how genders of patients affects the way their complaints are addressed.)
So, Paul, a woman patient starts out with the deck stacked in two hard ways against her. Add that she may be societally-conditioned to be less assertive than you, and societally-disadvantaged to be less-likely to have business direct supervisory experience than you…
Just saying, it’s almost apples and oranges, really. I could say the same words as you have used in the same situations, and get nurses and doctors giving me an awful time as a complaining, uncooperative b#tch–with NO positive results. Or, an woman fat and unattractive could get good results whereas a slim attractive one not–or the opposite, depending upon the envy factor of females and the desire and frustration of males.
It is my opinion that it is a whole different game, for women patients. I imagine that when you throw race into the mix (along with socio-economic differences, and “non-standard” English flavors), we get another interesting set of differences.
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Paul
/ 2015/05/07Sigh – excellent points Babe. Do you find that female doctors listen better to your concerns? I have always suspected that people treat me with more respect in general than they treat many others. Even before I open my mouth, as a white, male at 6’2″ and 250 pounds, people look at me different. More like they look to me for answers or advice – as if they think i already now something that they don’t. Honestly, I don’t see a lot of difference in empathy between males and females, although I can say that doctors with children seem to be more understanding and empathetic.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Thank you. I will have to think about your gender question, because I have had good, average, and awful of both genders.
Yes, I can believe you cut an impressive figure, Paul, and not solely because of your physical size, but because you are smart, informed, confident, and polite.
Funny about that advice thing. I often get people approaching me for advice, or asking me for answers in stores, thinking I’m an employee or manager. I was told in one job, by a Director who was, at the time, furious with me “Don’t you know you’re a natural leader?!”. People look at me different, too. But this can lead to a different effect with those who see themselves as experts when faced with a female. I am not rude or challenging, but neither will I act obsequious. I don’t smile as much as some women, and my voice can have a flat affect. All deadly to both male and female perceptions conditioned to identify such females as cold fish or b#tches.
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kirizar
/ 2015/05/07I am enjoying this read, even as I feel bad that you have a story this aggravating to tell. Warm, fuzzy heart thoughts to you.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Thank you, Kiri.
❤
Happily, through the gift of enforced underemployment due to my diseases, I am in very good shape now.
🙂
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Maggie Wilson
/ 2015/05/07This business of men not listening to women is near, if not at the top of my most hated things list. In my opinion, it is pretty much universal – between co-workers, spouses, and possibly most dangerously, between medical professionals and their patients. It infuriates me to have my opinions, comments, or requests diminished and then dismissed. THEN, f I protest, as you did with your bozo MD, the dynamic changes from information sharing into either placating (patronizing) or further diminishing an irate women.
It makes me tense and I’m ready to spit, just hearing what you had to endure. I am so sorry.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Yes, Maggie. I hate it, hate it, hate it. My sister Meg laughs about it. She says it is just the way men are, and that we must accept it, and shorten everything we say to them, since they will not pay attention to anything more than a few words.
This is disgusting, for men needn’t, and don’t, edit their sentences to each other.
I call it the “Wah-wah-wah” syndrome, after the Peanuts mom. That is how many men hear everything we say.
It is more than our speech, Maggie. Many (I believe most) men view our possessions the same way: Low status practically-invisible minor miscellany on the level of children’s toys. Have you ever seen a man literally toss aside something of a woman’s to make room for something of his, without taking care that her item is placed carefully? Or dropped a greasy item of his–tool or food item or container–on her prized bedspread, throw pillow, or linen tablecloth? But if she did the same with his valued trophy, or Star Wars toy, or best dremel tool, or what have you–tossed it aside without care, so that it was damaged–Woe betide that woman!!
It boils down to men not viewing us as full and equal human beings. They are Smurfs–humans–and we are Smurfettes–humanettes–diminished versions of humans.
Shoot. This should have been a post, huh?
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Maggie Wilson
/ 2015/05/07It’s not too late for it to be a post!
Yeah, Wah-wah-wah… or as a friend of ours quipped when hubby didn’t hear/wasn’t listening… “He’s got you on mute, Mags.” Our dynamic is compounded by the fact that he has 63 year old ears – in other words, going deef. Plus, he tends to be in his head, most of the time. Either of those are understandable and I can be strategic when I need to talk with him. But too often for my liking, he diminishes and dismisses. We’re working on it.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07I’m supposed to be working on something right now myself–my semi-paying job (!)–but I had a thought: Perhaps a geologically-relevant graphic aid would aid your happy home life. What about a photo or drawing of an old-fashioned assayer’s scale? Whenever you notice hubby isn’t giving your woman’s the weight he would give to a man’s, point to the scale. What do you think?
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08How Freudian of ME was it that I left the word “words” out of that last reply? SO sorry I gave yours zero weight, there, Maggie!
😥
I’m heading off to “assayer’s scale” right now 100x.
😉
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08I seriously worry I’m losing my mind. This word-dropping–is it normal aging, early Alzheimer’s, or more CNS disease involvement? The word “google” was supposed to be in there. “to GOOGLE assayer’s scale”. Then, the line would have been mildly amusing. sigh.
🙄
(If any words are missing this time, I quit.)
🙄
🙄
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08Uh…I’m on a roll
😉
aren’t I?
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Maggie Wilson
/ 2015/05/08I swear that my keyboard has a mind of it’s own… I’ll look at a sentence that I’ve just typed and am astounded at what I read. Not so much missing words, but homophones or plurals or past participles… I think our fingers cannot keep up with our brains, is all. Roll on, MacDuff.
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Master of Something Yet
/ 2015/05/07You always have the coolest pictures. I’m with Barbara. Where on earth do you find these things. And you are the master of the caption, Babe.
Yay for the good doctors. Boo Hiss for the bad ones.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/07Thank you, MoSY. There will be more booing and hissing opportunities coming up in the next post.
🙂
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Master of Something Yet
/ 2015/05/07I went to click on the Like button and thought maybe I shouldn’t. I like that you will write more because I love to read your writings and I am learning a lot but more booing and hissing is probably not something to ‘like’.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08My Like job is so much easier: “I love to read your writings”?
Had I a printer, I would have just covered a page with that, printed a ream of those pages, diced and sliced until I had a warehouse’s worth of fortune cookie strips, and then gone diving in piles of them: The lightest and happiest of autumn leaf piles.
🙂
Now, let me make your Like job easier:
Numbnuts here MEANT to say in my last reply :
“There will be more yaying and hissing opportunities.”
As Linus, in Peanuts, once almost said:
“There is no heavier burden than a great stupid-head.”
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Master of Something Yet
/ 2015/05/08Oh, more yaying and hissing sounds more like it. 🙂
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/05/08I wonder if treatment approaches from female doctors are different than those of male doctors. I bet they do and I bet there’s a study out there that shows it.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08You would certainly think so, wouldn’t you, Phil? I answered Paul earlier about this that studies had shown that there was no difference. SO shocking and disappointing! But I am realizing that it was many years back that I referenced those studies–I am talking a decade, or maybe more? I’m going to go do some googling right now, and see what’s new on that front–then get back to you.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08Okay, there is a bunch out there on this, but I can’t find what I was looking for–the old studies on sexism. This is what I did find.
On differences in doctoring style varying by doctor gender, there is
this,
with this heartrendingly disappointing sentence:
“Female physicians treating male patients have been shown to display a different manner, including smiling more and acting more interested, than when treating female patients.”
There was also this sidebar gender difference tidbit, apropos of nothing. I just found it interesting. Don’t you?
Last, for total nerds, there is this old paper which was prepared for a WHO commission. I didn’t read the entire, but what I did read was really good.
On sexism toward women patients, undivided by gender of physicians,
this is worth seeing.
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Phil Taylor
/ 2015/05/08That last one is really interesting. There is so much unknown and unable to be objectively measured about pain and it is impossible to separate a patients perception from the equation. A doctor I work with specializes in working with people about how they conceptualize pain and its effect on their subjective experience. I’m surprised there aren’t more studies about gender bias in medical treatment.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08Science thinks it can now objectively tell when a person is perceiving pain, and how much pain, by directly measuring its effects within the pain receptors in the brain–while it is happening. There is such confidence in this that there is great anticipation in using this approach in future to weed out disability fraudsters.
I was surprised I couldn’t find links to the original studies. Sometimes, the great google surprises me. But I did not devote a lot of time to this, Phil. Perhaps the “more studies” are out there, and I just didn’t look under the right rocks. I didn’t even try other search engines.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/08Meant to add, in conjunction with what you said: Yes! Not possible to separate perception. I fear the dudes deciding that their PET scanner approach to pain measurement is the be-all end-all will be doing a disservice to some–not all–they identify as fraudsters. For mightn’t some folk whose objective physical pain registers at 7 out of 10 perceive it as 5/10, while others perceive that same level as 9/10?
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Yemie
/ 2015/05/10Some experiences these are Babe! There really’s a thin line between being plain silly, idiotic; and being an ‘A-hole’ and a$$wipe and that doctor dude crossed it oh soo effortlessly! Wherever does he get off, meting out such a treatment lacking of empathy and compassion to his patient?! Now I get they are mortals themselves and everyone’s got their own days when they’re at their lowest, but this is totally inexcusable and unacceptable! A gross misconduct! I’d have thought he’d have the good sense to tender an apology and right his wrong by rescheduling you for another consultation to get to the bottom of your health issues but what does he do?! Wave it off with his fingers and dismiss you! That’s not good enough! Go shopping for a new doctor and in time, you’d find your own personal health-care giver who’ll not only be passionate bout his calling, but will also be pretty empathetic towards your plight!
Great telling Babe, even as unpalatable and distasteful as this is! Lotsa kudos to you! ❤✌☺
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/12Oh! I see I mixed my replies and thanked you on Part 2 for your comment here! I’m on my phone, doing my daily one-hour walk while I read and type–thinking is done less successfully at the same time!
I will thank you here for the “great telling”: Great compliment!!
🙂 🙂
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longchaps2
/ 2015/05/11Gosh, I think your doctor and my doctor went to the same university. The School of Quack. Funny that. Awesome blog. I’m sorry that you suffered. I could relate to just about every single thing you covered here in regards to the way you were treated. I had some “woman” troubles” – yeah, got some GREAT help with that when I was in my early twenties.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/12If you check out my reply to Phil in the comments (I’d include the link, but am out walking, reading, and typing at the same time), one of the links I included documents some of the evidence of sexism against women in medical treatment. Sorry it bit you, too. Gets me furious, in my new Zen way. Here’s my Zen face:
👿
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longchaps2
/ 2015/05/13It does make me furious, but I have to say with more women doctors out there things are getting better. I like your Zen face by the way. How to strike fear into them. You GO girl!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/13Thank you!
(My feminist self hates to admit daily use of these products, but it is actually just my pre-makeup face. Still, comes in handy when needed!)
😉
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longchaps2
/ 2015/05/13Oh, and how about this comment by my Doc to me when I’m having extreme pain and cramps each month with my cycle – “Oh, women get pain. It’s normal.” Thank you, you dumb-ass. You almost killed me from your incompetence when my colon had to be re-sectioned.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/13In a perfect world, there would be only one appropriate response to that, and he would be permanently walking funny and singing higher. Here’s where you learn how I really talk, despite all the cutesy pound signs in print:
What a f#ckwad POS.
I’m SO glad he failed in his failure, and you succeeded in your survival!
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longchaps2
/ 2015/05/13Thank you very much :). Karma, may he some day get a female Insurance provider who denies him his Cialis medication on grounds he’s always a giant d*ck and therefore doesn’t need it.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/13HA ha ha ha!! Perfect!!
😀 😀 😀
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reocochran
/ 2015/05/13This was a fascinating personal journey into your life. I feel like I am now one of your inner circles of friends where I may know too much and you will need to ‘keep me!’ I am glad Naproxen worked, I will pass this information onto my youngest daughter who has had a few issues. One, her hands turn into ‘chicken claws’ cramping up during sex? Strange but maybe related to needing to relax?
I also hope rash and other downer things don’t happen again. Telling doctors off needs to happen more often to gain respect (self-respect, too!) Smiles!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/05/13Hello, Robin,
Welcome aboard! I am more than happy to “keep” you!
🙂
That chicken claw oddness is just as strange as my cramps were. My first guess would be to look at diet and her balance of calcium to potassium. There’s no saying why hands versus feet, but foot and leg cramps from sex aren’t uncommon, and such at any time can come from inadequate calcium. You’ve got to be in balance of both to get the benefit of both. Bananas or OJ are good for potassium, dairy or supplements for the other. If her diet seems good, then I’d think neurological, but I’m no doc.
The poor thing! Hope she gets an answer.
I have to work for $ for the next few hours, but raced through your first online dating post, and enjoyed it a great deal! Will be back later to comment.
Smiles back your way!
–O. Babe
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ChristineR
/ 2015/06/25Ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! See, these male doctors discriminate against woman.
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