“Better Sex, You Say?” “And Tao!”


How Taoism Led to Better Sex

You say Yang…
And I say Yin–
You poke out…
And I poke in–
Ya-ang.. Yi-in–
Ou-out… i-in–
Let’s call the whole thing
Fun!   🙂
 

Potato Big Bird Foot Fossil

I KNOW: Talk About Your Proofs for Evolution!


 
Are you ready for one last excerpt from Sex in History (thanks to author Reay Tannahill), in honor of Valentine’s Day? Sure you are!

The ancient Chinese belief in the harmony of balance, and the integrated nature of Nature–earth, sky, and everything between–led the Chinese to the concept of balanced opposites: yin and yang. The man was seen as yang, and the woman, yin.

The sex act offered a way of achieving that balance, through the mating of earth to heaven. Today, clouds, and rain falling to earth, are used in photographs and films to make Chinese audiences think of sex. (Don’t even get me started on those sick-o Chinese weather forecasters!)
 

Ejaculation-Orgasm Cloud

Yup. You-Know-What Just Happened Here.


 
In ancient China, sex was viewed openly and frankly. Very explicit sex manuals were given as helpful wedding gifts. The language used in them was quite poetic: The penis was called a “Jade Stalk” [No, Chinese men did not have weird weenies. Jade isn’t always green–it comes in white and yellow–and black].
 
The vagina was called a “Cinnabar Cleft” [prized-red split-place], or even fancier phrases, like “Hidden Rice Bowl–Lick It Good”. You say it, Missy-ling! (It is possible my translation on that second vagina name is a little off.)
 
The manuals included instructions for how a man could make his erection last longer, because the longer he stayed inside a woman, the more of her yin he would absorb. It was also expected that he give the woman an orgasm: That would give him even MORE of her yin, increasing his yang even more.
 
Yin-Yang On Green Over Water

Om.  Om my.


 
Since the more yang the better, that meant the more sex and sexual partners the better. So even middle-class men had an average of ten (10) wives and concubines, and they were expected to have intercourse with each woman at least once every five days.

That’s sex with two women a day minimum, you-all. And all those happy women were having orgasms ( per…haps 😉 ).   I’d call that a big bow to Tao.
 

Origami Sex

“oh-oh-Oh-Oh-OH-OH-OOHH–!!” (Mei Ri-Yun Very Convincing)”


 
Betcha Didn’t Know Sperm Could Do THIS! (p. 171)

It was believed that losing semen during or after sex equaled losing some of the yang just gained, so the manuals included a neat little trick:

In case you were really into your partner and were about to lose some yang (how’s THAT for a euphemism?: “C’mon baby, take ALL my yang!”), you could divert it–internally! Per one of the sex manuals:

“…he should quickly and firmly, using the fore and middle fingers of the left hand, put pressure on the spot between scrotum and anus…”

Send the jizz where the urine is! Wow! Who knew THAT was possible? Tannahill explains that this diverts the seminal fluid from the penis back up into the bladder–entirely harmless from a medical perspective, by the way. It’s simply peed away the next time the guy goes.
 

The Big Pee

What Every Man Is Picturing Right Now (Brother. You Guys…)


 
A jizz with your whizz.

Per Tannahill: “…(It) was used for birth control purposes in later times by Turks, Armenians, the islanders of the Marquesas, and the sophisticated nineteenth-century commune founded by John Humphrey Noyes at Oneida, New York.”

Just drop a BOMB like that, lady, and do no more explaining? Why did these only those few groups use the strategy? Did lots of other peoples through history learn about it, but their men went “Jeez, Louise, I ain’t withholding any of MY precious bodily fluids!”
 

Precious Bodily Fluids From Dr Strangelove

No Joke! A Limited National Resource!


 
But what I’m most curious about is, how the heck did that nineteenth century commune hear about it?

Yin-Yin or Yang-Yang? Cool-Cool.

Male and female homosexuality was totally cool. You didn’t gain any yang (or yin) so your own didn’t increase, but it didn’t decrease either. Two little trivia tidbits:

1) A very dangerous practice was followed by some lesbians: Using a hard dildo made of wood or ivory, the “…‘male’ partner inserted one end of the dildo in her own Cinnabar Cleft, harnessed the central portion round her waist by means of silk ties, and used the other end as if it were a Jade Stalk.” If either partner got a little too excited, a serious internal injury could occur.

2) “Male homosexuality was sometimes known as tuan-hsiu, “the cut sleeve,” because one of the Han emperors had, supposedly, cut off his sleeve rather than disturb his young male partner who had fallen asleep upon it.
 

The Cut Sleeve

Astonishing That It Took THIS Long For Those Smart Chinese To Invent Short-Sleeved Shirts


 
“He Shall Have Music Wherever He Comes” (p. 181)

Rings on his fingers and bells on his balls. Well, actually, on the head of his penis. It was once common throughout Southeast Asia for men to insert metal balls as large as hazelnuts under the skin of the head of their penis, in order to make their little head appear larger and to give women more pleasure in its company.

And these balls were little BELLS (!) that tinkled when the dudes walked around. Charming, n’est pas? Rich men wore silver jingle balls, while poor men had to make do with lead. Making their BIG head dumb, too.

In Suriname, the poor men are much smarter. They use the little plastic marbles that come (ew.) in the tops of soda bottles. And they sometimes save money by doing their own self-surgery with…oh, yuck. Nevermind.

No Wonder These Buddhas Are Joyful (p. 182)

In later times, the handy little how-to sex manuals were no longer available. (We have only imitations passed down from Japan). Newlyweds didn’t know which Part A went into which Part B, so instead, Buddha statues were created with realistic moving parts. High-ranking newlyweds were given a show-and-feel on these to demonstrate.
 
As long as the boy statue looked like the Keanu as Siddhartha, I’d be okay with that.
 

Keanu as Siddhartha

I’m Not Sure GettyImages and Richard Blanshard Have Their Photo Credit Placed Prominently Enough Here–What Do YOU Think?


 
Parent Demo of Birds and Bees

Today, We Do It the MODERN Way


 
The All-Wise Confucius Said “Women Suck!” (pp. 183-89)

Confucius brought big changes to China. Along with inventing the civil service, he convinced men that women were bad news (like some men needed a lot of convincing). As a result, just like in ancient Greece with the hetarai, there evolved the same old “treat wives like housekeeping baby-machines, but share witty banter and fun nights out with concubines.” Chinese men even had a whole class of witty-bantering prostitutes with whom they didn’t even have sex. After all, those boys were getting and giving lots and lots of sex at home. They needed the break.
 
***
 
From balanced sex,
And gays are cool,
To women suck,
And men must rule.

It’s time that we,
That trend retool,
For clearly it is
Men who drool.

Oh, no she DI”N’T!!

Happy Valentine’s Day, ALL of you–both the genital innies AND outies!!
 

Who-Needs-A-Valentine-With-Friends-Like-You

ME, Of Course. But I’m Really Glad I Have You Guys, Too. ❤


 
This is the last (prob’ly) of my ‘Sex in History’ series. I’ll miss it… (sniff!! SOB!!!)
 
CINNABUNDENDUM

I went round-robin on what the “Cinnabar” in “Cinnabar Cleft” meant, as it had more than one meaning in the past. Today, it means a red, red rock (I did that just to get your periodic table all in a tizzy, geology goats–tee-hee!). A MINERAL (an ore of a mineral–well, more than ONE mineral, if we want to get picky): Mercury sulfide. But it was apparently also used to mean cinnamon, particularly in Arabia, and I chose–chose, I say–to believe that the Chinese intended this use, since after too much time searching, I failed to find a translation of the original Chinese–I don’t even know if it was translated directly into English, or into another language first.

Well, I have now learned after more research that it more likely referred to a rich, red carved lacquer used on those beautiful ornate pieces you now see only in museums and the homes of wealthy friends, and implied the beauty of those pieces. A rich, red lacquer made from a red, red rock. ] ;-)> Mercury sulfide. (NOTE FROM THE POISON CENTER: If you are a toddler reading this, please do not play with the pretty red rock. Bad rock. Mr. Icky.)
 
Prev Post in the Series: Married Priests? Lesbian Nuns?
 

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42 Comments

  1. It is better to have a history of sex on Valentine’s Day than no sex at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. There’s a Sex in History series? Wow, Babe, you’re better than Netflix! Can’t say I knew any of this and am looking forward to working the bells into conversation at my next, umm, cocktail party. Party favor, perhaps?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Look what I just found on another blog. A painting called “Outlier’s House!”

    Isn’t it beautiful?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • I mean “The Outlier’s Home” by GC Meyers.

      Like

      Reply
      • Thank you, Barbara. Um…I THINK this link will work–give it a shot–I’m going to delete it after you peek).

        Like

        Reply
        • Nope didn’t work

          Like

          Reply
          • Ah. Sorry. Was just trying show off–to link to a pic of my old house with me as a true outlier sitting outside, atop the peak of the attic dormer roof as it was being built. I have almost–ALmost–given up on the online dating sites, but until I do, I cannot use pics on this blog that appear elsewhere, ’cause any truly dangerous sorts can trace to the real me with them.

            Like

            Reply
  4. I’m exhausted just reading it. I’d hate to think there was more to … erhmmm … arrive.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • You earned your Like for that avoided synoym, but–are you saying the post is tedious…overlong…under-stimulating? Oh, dear. I think this is you attempting to be tactful, Margaret-Rose. Interesting. This WAS the weakest post of the series, but I assure you, I have many far more boring posts. By all means, peruse my blog at your leisure–they await your discovery!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. I was seduced by your juicy lexicon of sexy text 😀
    So much for the Bible being the best selling book of all time hehe.
    They knew how to sell the sizzle, not the steak. Jade stalk and cinnabar cleft!
    I have to laugh – did you know that cinnabar is a mineral comprised of mercury sulfide? Pretty red crystals sound yummy but are somewhat toxic. I’m sure they were referring to the colour though.

    It seems then and Tao
    the yen to know how
    Was to get the hang
    of the old yin and yang
    A manual was needed
    to prevent being seeded
    The jade stalk was saved
    from being depraved
    But the cinnabar cleft
    was not left bereft
    And all was balanced again
    in the Taoist zen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • I DID know that, but it was also used as an old word for the spice. My guess is that it was the spice to which it referred–particularly because it was in Arabia it was used to mean the spice, and the Chinese and Arabs did quite a bit of trade.

      Your poem knocked me out, Queen of the Rhyme Scheme. I kow-tow to you.

      Like

      Reply
  6. Yes it could have been the spice, and everything nice. Or lost in translation? But it shows where my mind was… on minerals that is! Mmm cinnabar, sounds like candy, or a brothel 🙂 Thanks for the kind words Valentine ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • If I recall, you placed your heart,
      Inside my card box, at the start.

      Thank YOU, Valentine <3.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • Today, because I have really important personal business to attend to–as I did yesterday, too–I continued to try to track down a source to identify the translation of Cinnabar (surely, the Asian character would tell all, so it was a choice of the translator’s that…you get it). Anyhow, I learned what is now revealed in a new Addendum, which I got from this link, which is that you were right, and I was wrong. A few times a day, I will be wrong. I roll with it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • [chuckles :D] Thank you Babe for going out of your way to prove me right. That would be a first. However I won’t hold it against you or your lovely cinnabar cheeks. FWIW I’m the queen of wrong . Rolling with it, Babe, per Steve Winwood song.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  7. Eda

     /  2015/02/14

    I thought it was Buddha who cut off his sleeve rather than disturb his cat. Or maybe it was his pussy. Meow.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Naughty… Interesting that the same cut-sleeve tale is told of Buddha, Muhammed, the Sufi leader Ahmed al-Rifa’i, and a Chinese man sometimes identified as an emperor. While it is certainly possible that four sleeves were cut–three for cats, and one for a lover–I find it more likely that the oldest tale spread and changed, as tales do. While I have no fondness no cats (quite the opposite), a more objective person might see how a treasured cat (ew.) replaced a treasured lover in the story.

      Like

      Reply
  8. Cinnabun sales skyrocket, thanks to Babe’s online History.

    Just saying.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Hey, Mark! I at long last got back over to YOUR place last night, and enjoyed the one post I read–about your dog gently releasing the bird!–but it was 12:30am and was too tired to comment. Will be back later to do so, and peruse more interesting posts : )

      Like

      Reply
  9. I will need to schedule suitable times to read your posts. Reading them at midnight and annoying the sleeping males with my outbursts of laughter is probably not appreciated. Pfft. It’s not they who will be up before the dawn to row on the river in the dark. Forget the schedule. They can deal with it.

    One day soon when I am not exhausted, I will look forward to perusing your shelves. You have some interesting collections.

    Like

    Reply
    • Being a female, conditioned by the world to my place, I reacted with great pleasure–and some inner blushing. Were I male, I believe the blush would be replaced with an increased swelling in the area of my ego, and I would have said “And why let those sleeping dogs lie? Wake ’em up, share the giggles, and get me some new fans!!”

      Upon consideration, I think I believe some version of that. I’m off to practice peeing standing up so that I can increase my readership. Have a great day. Whilst I spray away. (Step back. No…farther, I think.)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • Re-reading my response, I am abandoning my efforts at biological counter-determinism, for I see evidence of quite enough ego already: I really did not adequately thank you for your lovely complimentary comment, which was the first thing I read upon waking. Your flattering words made me feel happy. 🙂 Thank you for that. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • I never search for reciprocation of any flattery. I much prefer a clever and witty response. I very much enjoyed your biological conditioning experiment comments. You do know there’s a thing for that, right? It’s called a Shewee. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

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