Rey is once again trying to cut his penis.
Rey, 11 years old, is a sweet, highly intelligent young boy with an extreme lack of self-control. He is in constant motion. He is a danger to himself and others.
He has inadvertently sent students and teachers tumbling down the stairs, knocked children over when swinging his backpack wildly about, and begun to tip himself over a second-story balcony railing while trying to look at the garden below. (I caught his ankle just as he toppled.)
When Rey is given a pencil, he chews on it and pokes himself with it on different places on his body until he punctures his skin. When given crayons, he chews off the paper and then eats the crayon itself. When given paints, he paints every object within reach—he helps out the brush by using his fingers and hands as well.
His Actual Desk
When given scissors…well, Rey can’t be given scissors, EVER, because he pokes himself with the points, including on his eyelids. He cuts his clothing and sometimes the skin underneath, including his genitals. (Somehow, he keeps managing to find scissors and smuggling them into class.)
When seated at his desk, Rey flings his arms and legs outward and scoots the desk noisily all about the room, several feet at a time. This has made it impossible for him to have a partner at the two-person desk. If Rey scoots too close to another student’s desk, he reaches into their belongings and treats them as destructively as his own.
I spend a great deal of the day moving Rey away from others. The isolation and difference from other students depresses him.
Despite Rey’s challenging behaviors, his intelligence shines forth. He is sometimes able to concentrate for fairly extended periods when working alone—particularly in testing conditions of total silence.
Rey’s work on the annual writing assessment merits a grade of B. This is especially impressive because the assessment isn’t even normally administered to English learners. (I had decided to give it to Rey because I had suspected that he would excel.)
Obviously, this poor kid’s impulsivity loses him friends and gets him into difficulties outside of the classroom. Rey recently spent some time in police boot camp after he decided it would be fun to throw large cement chunks at passing car windshields.
Rey has frequently expressed self-loathing when his behaviors get out of hand. He is a highly intelligent, sensitive and often considerate boy in a great deal of difficulty.
Let’s look to Rey’s family for help, shall we?
Rey’s father tells him he is ugly and dumb. Rey is handsome, but has a skin condition that causes a mottled complexion.
Let’s look to medical professionals, shall we?
Doctors have recommended medication for Rey’s obvious ADHD symptoms. Good for them! But his loving, compassionate father refuses.
What does the school system do for a boy like Rey?
Well, other than putting him a Special Ed classroom and leaving him to his own devices, absolutely nothing.
However:
Despite our sympathy for Rey, let’s look around him for a moment:
Why are the other children in my class subjected to Rey’s presence?
Why is no one concerned with their learning or safety?
We all know how little learning would occur for each of us if we were in a room with Rey all day.
We all know how uncomfortable we adults would feel with Rey near us.
How would you like your child to be seated next to him?
HOLY SMOKES ADDENDUM
At the time I left teaching, years ago, there were plans to eliminate Special Ed classrooms and place all special-needs children into regular classrooms.
I believe that, just as a court can order administration of insulin for a diabetic child, in such obvious cases of extreme ADHD that a child is a danger to itself and others, the poor kid should be rescued from abusive, neglectful parents and have court-mandated medication–and until that is done, the child should NOT be accepted into government-funded school facilities. When I am made King of the World (I have gender-neutralized the noun “king”, since it is perceived to be more powerful than “queen”), this shall be one of my many edicts.
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The Last Half 
balletandboxing
/ 2015/01/29Wow. Tough situation.
That father though…
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30I missed this short-but-pithy comment tucked in here–sorry! It WAS a tough situation, and so much more so for Rey than me–though I felt more sorry for me many days.
Yes: That father! One fantasy was to turn him into the child and wield the cruel power.
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Paul
/ 2015/01/29I’m surprised that children’s services hasn’t gotten involved especially after the concrete throwing incident. you must be an angel OB to deal with that. i bow to your good nature and self control.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Paul, you give me too much credit. Cowed dog of abusive parents, remember? AND my lupus brain involvement had precluded me going back to my old computing career–which is why I had turned to teaching–thinking it would be comparatively lower-demand thinking, lower-stress, fewer hours. All turned out the opposite. Jes’ call me d#mb#ss.
(Okay: I’ll take some credit. I really do have reams of patience where kids are involved. Almost none for adults, sadly.)
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29I just realized I hadn’t responded re: the “children’s services” aspect. I imagine that in Canada there is something positive that results from their involvement. Perhaps here as well. But I have yet to see it.
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Paul
/ 2015/01/29Oh what a tangled web we weave. As a rule of thumb, CAS (children’s aid services) will not get involved when another gov’t dept is in charge of the kids. This is not a rule or law but is akin to cops who cover up for other cops. Oddly enough i am quite familiar with how this situation used to be here in Canada. My Mum had an MSW and ran a CAS office in a city just west of Toronto. She was (and still is) a great promoter of justice for children – which you would expect from an MSW. The issue was complex and multi-faceted and she was not comfortable with the fact that CAS had no authority unless the kids were already abused and was politically forbidden to intervene when another gov’t dept was involved – it being argued that those other depts had their own resources and were accountable (which they weren’t as you can see). She viewed the “system” as being bent to point of being broken and that the children were the ones suffering. So, in disgust she decided that to make a difference, she would have to do a PhD and get in on law making in order to better the lives of the children. So she did. And ended up at University of British Columbia where she taught and consulted with inquests and gov’t agencies to try and help make a difference drafting laws and investigating when they failed the children. Some of the cases were so, so sad OB. I clearly recall one case where Mum ended up as a consultant at a judicial inquest. The CAS offices were responsible to individual county services, not a central provincial or federal body. So, one abusive Mother had a large file at a county CAS office for abuse of her little boy (he was about 7). She understood enough about the system that she moved into a second county and then a third county and CAS lost contact with her. It was no one’s job to follow her and keep the local CAS office updated. Her file went nowhere – just ended when she moved. A year later a neighbor of the woman reported that something was wrong with her boy. The police and CAS responded and found the boy starving to death and in his own feces which hadn’t been cleaned for a long while. He was so weak and was so sick that he died in hospital. The woman was thrown in jail, but the question remained – how the hell did this boy slip through the cracks in the system? Turned out the answer was pretty simple – no one was responsible for making sure there was follow up if the client moved. They made new laws that established a centralized provincial body which followed the clients to make sure it didn’t happen again- a sort of clearing house.
Anyway that was just one example of how CAS goes astray. I don’t know what it is like where you live OB, but it is a long way from perfect here too.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29That is terribly sad and disappointing to hear. It is as if children are just papers in old file drawers, isn’t it?
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Paul
/ 2015/01/29Indeed. 😦
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M-R
/ 2015/01/29You postulate a scenario that won’t come about in our lifetimes, OB, simply because those making the rules are insufficiently forward-thinking. They’re going to have to DIE and be replaced by younger, brighter legislators …
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29I assume the scenario to which you refer is the one in which I am made King.
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M-R
/ 2015/01/29No: that in which regulators regulate as they should.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29I knew that (but considered editing your first comment to pluralize to scenarioS–bwah-ah-ah!).
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M-R
/ 2015/01/30Maroon.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30I know that you mean that as a term of endearment, and so I take it.
BTW, Barbara–she of Silver In the Barn–tells me that is is due to you that she and I met. I told her that I therefore owe you quite the debt, and that I would, begrudgingly, have to acknowledge it.
I hereby do so, with no begrugement at all, but with tremendous gratitude, Margaret-Rose. Thank you very much.
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M-R
/ 2015/01/30The beautiful Barbara is a totally excellent woman, in so many ways, OB. Question is: do you deserve her ?
[grin]
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30I am convinced, actually, that I do not. Were she and I to meet, she would likely be dismayed and off–put at my extremely childish-more-than-childlike, weird-more-than-amusingly-odd, uncomfortably-awkward self. I am far from everyone’s cup of tea. But I am MY cup of tea, and I am glad the friendship is flowing at a distance, at least.
Even this is difficult. We have all been so chatty, but I will need to take my autism breaks. This is all just too much togetherness for me, for a sustained period. Wears me out, it does.
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M-R
/ 2015/01/30Oh dear ! – I don’t want that to happen. I shall stop being relentlessly insulting: it must be very wearing, I can see that now. Be of good cheer, OB ! – Aussies are only ever rude to people they like.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30Margaret-Rose, don’t you DARE change how you interact with me, and start tippy-toeing around on eggshells. I am very direct, with friends, and will tell you right out if something you say bothers me. Nothing you’ve said has–because you are not mean-spirited. Oh–I am fully confident you CAN spark–but it has not been directed at me (thank goodness : )
Maroon, yourself. (Besides, I think I’ve dished out just as well–have I not?)
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M-R
/ 2015/01/30[grin] Goob. That’s me girl !
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georgiakevin
/ 2015/01/29Your post is soo well written. As a special educator with 18 years experience and as a parent who has a son who has severe learning disabilities i can empathize with you. I have seen far too many cruel parents like his or worse uncaring parents…………..sigh. We teachers get held to a higher standard while parents standards drop ever lower.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Thank you so much for the praise, George. I value it all the more coming as it does from a teacher : ) (although, perhaps you teach Math–hahaha!)
I am truly sorry for the challenges you face daily with your own son–that fatigue! (Resource-hunting, crisis-coping, emotion-balancing…) I don’t know how you’ve managed, on top of teaching–and the type of teaching you do. Impressive.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Duh–first missed your field. Sorry! You can see I’d noticed by the end, but hadn’t re-read my own answer. So much for great writing skills
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Unreqwrited
/ 2015/01/29OB – Another brilliant exposé on the cognitive dissonance of trying to help a helpless situation. Heartbreaking. My father (rest his soul) always said (and he likely borrowed the cliché) that you need a licence to own a dog, but you don’t need anything to become a parent. In addition, children grow up, but are often not “brought up”. We used to call this being “thrown up” in these kinds of situations, not intending to be funny. Just a bad bitter taste.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Yes. Thrown up is a pretty good description for poor Rey (not his real name, of course). What a different life for him, medicated, even with that man as father. The classroom then would have been his refuge and possibly his rescue.
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Unreqwrited
/ 2015/01/29You can hope that he may have outgrown some of the ADHD, however his negative parental feedback would have likely precluded any real hope of being successful in life in the longrun.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29You can hope, but it is actually unlikely. I haven’t looked into this for ages, but I remember reading that there was quite a bit of indication that ADHD (more than ADD) extends into adulthood–more often when it is more severe, like Rey’s. Higher rates of cocaine abuse, car accidents, bodily injuries from high risk pursuits, etc.
Fang is an adult ADHD dude, but his may be from another cause (not requiring medication) which will be described in a later Teaching post.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Did I miss that “another ‘brilliant'”, too? Oh… I should sleep now. I have not gotten my naps for forever since taking this job that falls right in my nap zone, which used to start anywhere from 2 to 4… I am always so tired, too. And then, when I must sleep, that is my wanting-to-be awake time. Stupid job–that I’m lucky to have. I have fallen asleep twice on the phone with clients. Oops–did I just admit that in a public forum? I totally lied. I would never be so unprofessional, Ms/Mr LinkedIn reader! (Hey, with lupus and Behcet’s, and a late afternoon shift, and less-than-minimum wage, you gets what you pays for. But–if YOU hire me, madam/sir, you will TOTALLY get what YOU pay more for!)
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Unreqwrited
/ 2015/01/29Sleep well.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Thank you. I shall, once I have the good sense to give in. You too. : )
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Susan Lattwein
/ 2015/01/29Oh, this takes me back to a similarly aged young man I taught, with a similar penchant for scissors. And similar parents. 😦
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Not a pleasant memory to which to return. Sorry about that. Thank you for the extremely generous gift of your service to our children, which should instead be a professional, highly-paid and highly-respected career.
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Susan Lattwein
/ 2015/01/29Despite the hours and emotional energy required, I’m sure you taught for the right reasons. I think the lack of behavioural support for teachers frightens a lot away from the profession in the first few years. I am heartened by and most grateful to parents who are consistent with setting boundaries, foster empathy and emotional intelligence. Oh, don’t get me started! 🙂 🙂
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/29Oh, I LOVED teaching–not the non-teaching–the policing of unparented children. And you are so right about that lack of behavioral support. We had a first-year teacher who was terminated instead of trained, and he had so much to offer–His teaching skills were excellent! But he was trying to be a pal to the kids, and they were running roughshod right over him. He needed instruction, not firing.
Okay, I’m winding down for the day. I’m gonna stop chatting and muck around in the blog now reordering posts for no good reason. Have a good whatever-time-of-the-clock it is there (NZ? day?). Enjoyed chatting with you! : )
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/01/30A haunting story. I don’t know why Vincent Van Gogh sprang to mind….recently finished a book about him where the author delved into his chaotic mind…..and Rey’s behavior seems eerily similar. I nominate you for King. Is that how it works?
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30Why, Barbara! That surely must top any other compliment I’ve received–how could one get better that that?
Decades ago, when I was more Aspie, I actually believed that our nation would be better off if I or someone like me ran it. Now, the idea of that–well, the me I am now could make something very funny out of it, but it is actually terrifying. Especially if Kingy had been the Aspie me I was then–the one who lined everything up juuust….so! It certainly would have been a simpler, more generic place: You want a car? Pick from the standard, gov’t-approved, environment-preserving life-preserving models (after all, why is it considered enviable, rather than immature and the depth (not height) of pure ass-h#lery–to buy a car for the public roads that can go from 0-60 in a snap?): You get your choice of compact sedan, bigger sedan, wagonish sedan, van, delivery van, small pickup, big pickup. LOTS of choices in customizing colors and details, though! 🙂
I do have a strength as a terrific catalyst in groups, though–a good ideas person–so were I younger and not so Swiiss-cheese-brained, I’d accept a nomination to the King’s cabinet. Then, if I changed my mind about the throne, there’s always the assassination route 😉
Oh, of CHARACTER–of course!
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/01/30LOL! COL! Of Character, of course!! I’ve joked for years “if I were Queen.” i even wrote a post about throwing certain offenders into my imaginary dungeon. I have one, you know. It holds people who snap gum relentlessly, for instance, until they mind their manners. There’s also a cell for those who say “expresso and irregardless.” It’s not that terrifying a place, actually, but it soothes me to imagine the possibilities. And at that I bid you adieu, Your Highness!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30I shall later search your blog for “dungeon”, Queen. Good-day, your equally-Highness!
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/01/30Don’t bother. You’ll find it frightfully boring. It’s the kind of thing that upsets people like me…..garden club ladies, don’t you know! Do you ever wonder how we found each other? XXX
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30Michelle and Maggie are my heroes….It is they who promoted my blog, and without that, you and I, and other treasured friends online, would have never met.
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Silver in the Barn
/ 2015/01/30I think the world of Maggie. Who knew a blog about minerals….and more….could be so interesting. She has such a wonderful, conversational style of writing. I don’t know MIchelle. Thanks for the pointer. And speaking of “M’s”, I’m quite sure I first found you through our wonderful Aussie, M-R.
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30Ah–then I owe her a tremendous debt. And that irks me no end. Worse, I shall have to tell her!
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30Hang on and I’ll get their blog links–I know one and not the other…
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Outlier Babe
/ 2015/01/30I know you know them already, but they should be included for others who might be reading : )
Here’s Maggie’s: The Zombies Ate My Brains.
And Michelle’s: The Green Study.
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