The Big Coffee O.

You think that Starbucks coffee’s now uncool,
You’ve switched your loyalty to Coffee Bean and Tea;
I say by switching, not that you’re a fool,
But that you’re missing out–and sexually.

I am grateful to God every day for this: Oh my gosh, does anyone else, when they stick their nose deep into a Starbucks bag of Columbia roast and sniff deeply, oh, so very deeply, and again, and pull those heady, intoxicating vapors up into their whole being…

Nasal Ambrosia

…well, for me, it is almost orgasmic–I mean literally almost orgasmic.  This is the best part of every morning–and will continue to be, until that glorious day Denzel leaves his wife and wakes up next to me (without cringing, that is).

“Mmp-mmp-mmph. You'd Best Not Be Covetin' There, Missie!”

That first dose of aromatic bliss is even better than drinking the liquid coffee (not that drinking it isn’t also a wonderful and essential part of my day).  Thank you, God, for Starbucks Columbia coffee, medium grind: For the pleasure I derive from smelling it–and for my oversized nose.  (But Denzel, you know I’d get it fixed, for YOU.)

(I’m sorry, Ms. Washington.   I didn’t mean it.  Clearly it’s the flesh that is willing and this Babe’s spirit that could use some work.)
(That’s right, Denzel, this Babe’s flesh is so very, very willing… and silky-soft…and I know just what to do with that overbite of yours. Give it here, now.)
This is O. Babe’s boyfriend. I’ve taken her keyboard away for the night and cut off her Starbucks supply for the rest of the week. I have only her best interests in mind. You all just go back to what you were doin’, now.

Leave a comment


  1. I’m waiting for someone to develop a coffee flavoured body wash. Or lotion. Or perfume. Why is no one doing this?????


  2. Oh. You are a GENIUS. Just thinking about rubbing that body lotion on, I almost decided to go lesbian because I couldn’t reach parts of my own body with my tongue.. You should find a backer immediately and retire to Barbados. Bonus: You’ll be mid-way between Cuban and Columbian coffees for the rest of your life!

    BTW, for the rest of you folks who may be reading these comments, grandmalin wrote the ultimate coffee-lovers post.


  3. Every so often I come back here for YOU, Denzel. Just wanted you to know that.


  1. An Online Sea, No Fish for ME | The Last Half

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