This is an edited-down excerpt of an old Groupon guide which they originally titled The Groupon Guide to Being Yourself, but they clearly intended this title, instead. I’ve corrected it for them, because that is what we Asperger’s folk do—jump to give advice and help to you non-Aspies even before you think to ask us. Sometimes even if you tell us you don’t want our help.
The Groupon Guide to: Being Autistic
- Begin each conversation by rattling off your childhood medical history. If weather permits, reveal all relevant scars.
- If all of your friends are jumping off a bridge—jump too! They clearly know something about this bridge that you don’t.
- If you meet someone who shares your first name, suggest that they instead go by their middle name.
- Reject all constructive criticism. Though teachers, employers, and traffic-court judges may cite areas for improvement, they’re outranked by (the late) Mr. Rogers, who said you’re perfect the way you are.