The Groupon Guide to: Being Autistic

This is an edited-down  excerpt of an old Groupon guide which they originally titled The Groupon Guide to Being Yourself, but they clearly intended this title, instead.  I’ve corrected it for them, because that is what we Asperger’s folk do—jump to give advice and help to you non-Aspies even before you think to ask us.  Sometimes even if you tell us you don’t want our help.

You’re welcome!

Anyone Else Notice This Adds Up to ALL the Major Brain Structures?


The Groupon Guide to:  Being Autistic

  • Begin each conversation by rattling off your childhood medical history. If weather permits, reveal all relevant scars.
  • If all of your friends are jumping off a bridge—jump too!  They clearly know something about this bridge that you don’t.
  • If you meet someone who shares your first name, suggest that they instead go by their middle name.
  • Reject all constructive criticism. Though teachers, employers, and traffic-court judges may cite areas for improvement, they’re outranked by (the late) Mr. Rogers, who said you’re perfect the way you are.

Here's To You!


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  1. This entry gave me a great idea… From now on, I’m only going to use “the late” when talking about famous people on my blog, even if they’re still alive. 2000 years later, my blog still won’t look dated!


  2. I don’t think JoeyAllgood–an amazing blog with mysterious mushrooms, homicidal wine goblets, and fishy kangaroos–could ever look dated. (Please, Joey, have I sprinkled enough plugs for your blog throughout my own blog yet? Will you please let me out of the cage now? These screw things are really starting to hurt!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Regarding the areas of the brain vis a vis autism in the image above: I believe they omitted the amygdala as an origin of the condition, which makes sense because…of course…as everybody knows, autistic people have no emotions. (Totally kidding in a sick sort of way here. Disclaimer, I have a child on the spectrum. Black humor is a coping mechanism.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, the joys of parenting an Aspie!

      (Have you ever seen “Gigi”? One really needs to reimagine the Maurice Chevalier scene where he sings
      “I Remember It Well”, and alternate the true chorus:

      “Ah, yes: I remember it well!” with
      “Ah, yes: Gad, September was hell!

      to represent back-to-school time.

      (You know, doing an Aspie-parent version of that whole song WOULD be fun. I’m such a nerd. But of course! And now that 1 out of 60-odd children is, too, we will all have plenty of company : )

      I wish you the smoothest sailing possible with your child, and many laughs from both sides. Oh: And remember never to say to her/him “I’ll be there in just a minute.” (unless 59 seconds later, you will be : )

      Liked by 1 person


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