(Actual response to actual Craigslist ad)
“Free Advice from Super Smart Person (Worldwide)”
Your ad says: “I am super smart, therefore I give super smart advice. Tell me your problem and I will solve it. Guaranteed or your money back.”
1) Why does a person both super and smart not know to hyphenate super-smart in that sentence?
2) Why does a person both super and smart not know that the first comma should be a semi-colon, and there should be a comma after the word “therefore”?
3) Here is my last question, in which I ask for advice to solve my problem, and expect all my money back if your advice does not solve it (and I have lost a lot of money in my life, so get ready to pay me a LOT):
My problem is that I despise most men (in general, most of you are egocentric pigs–notice how I knew your posting was a man’s) but I still want to date, am straight, am very shy, don’t/can’t dance, play tennis, or golf, etc., or drink/go to clubs or bars–don’t have many friends, male or female, in the area to help me out, plus it repulses me that only old men are interested in dating women my age–men my own age feel entitled to daughter-or-granddaughter-aged women (Freud, anyone?), plus, I am also super-smart, and most guys run screaming from this (although I do not boast about my smarts, unlike some Best-of-Craiglist wanna-be’s I could mention…)
So–what’s your miraculous advice? Don’t forget–I’m looking forward to a major windfall if you don’t solve my problem!P.S. I’m starting to shrivel, but am still kinda cute…
(Sadly, my request went unanswered.)
Had to add a link to this hysterical post from The Byronic Man, which shows what someone with REAL writing talent can do with a response to a Craigslist ad.