Limericks by O. Babe

Quizzed the megalomaniacal Rod:
“Would the rest of you think me quite odd,
If I said that I feel,
It is I who am real,
And the firmament’s figment is God?”

Would The Magnificent Brain Really Do a Worse Job Than Our Current Leaders? (Gnarf!)


There once was a young man named Larry,
Who swore that he never would marry,
‘Til along came the one,
Who proved there was fun,
In devising new thrusts for each parry.


There once was a woman named Kendra,
Who wished that her girlfriend would sendra,
Card, or a letter,
Or something much better:
A friend of the opposite gendra.


A woman named Barbara Taylor,
Had a fling with a globe-trotting sailor,
But he nine months at sea,
And poor Barbara T.,
Found her gob-stopper proven a failor.


When only fourteen, young Ms. Rybak,
One Saturday morning did lie back,
And gave, for a sum,
To the men, who had come,
What she never could possibly buy back.


When reading a dirty limerick,
About someone whose first name is Rick,
One assumes that the rhyme,
Is what first comes to mind,
But not everyone’s mind is that sick.


The clean-living Prudence MacGregor,
Is the only MacGregor not pregger,
And she lives in the fear,
As each month-end draws near,
That her dress size may get any begger.


There once was a teacher from Malibu,
Whose morals were far from infallibu:
You had only to ask,
She assign you a task,
For a learning experience invalibu.


Tutoring Sessions Can Be Fun!


A woman named Judy Furnari,
Loves anyone with a Ferrari,
And, to their delight,
In the backseat, at night,
Is prone-ie to go-ie too far-ie.


The company prez, Mr. Gross,
Is the type of boss workers fear most;
“He is nice,” they all say,
But he works far away,
And no one has seen him up close.


That evil man Harrible Humphreys,
Had a terrible case of the grumpreys,
And he then took it out,
On the others about,
So that they were all down in the dumphreys.


A gentle black giant named Marks,
When approaching white women draws sparks,
They’ve been known to show fear,
As he drives his car near,
And to faint dead away when he parks.


A sex-crazed young man named Stan Seigel,
Has senses as sharp as an eagle,
When he sees co-eds near,
He drives up with a leer,
And makes passes as close as are legal.


There once was a woman named Beth,
Who decided to cause her own death.
Although some thought it dumb,
And her friends asked “How come?”
She breathed ‘til she’d breathed her last breath.


“How MANY Breaths Do You Think It Will Take?

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1 Comment

  1. WHAT!? No comments? Yet another sad, sad lonesome post. Fine. Be that way. Here we go:

    Had you written nothing but that first theological musing by a sociopath, you would have earned your place in the Hall of the Limerick Lords (note that latter word has been promoted to a genderless noun).

    –O. Babe



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